It has been six months since I have written anything that didn't pertain to my school work. I guess I will catch you guys up on what I have been doing over the last six months. With 3 jobs, 15 credit hours, and semi-social life I was pretty busy. Now the summer is here and I am extremely bored. I think I am one of those people who have to stay busy in order to be productive.
- This semester did not end with the best g.p.a but it wasn't that bad. Just a few digits shy of a 3.0 but I talked to my teacher last night and I see a grade change on the horizon.
-I had the perfect paid internship!! I was working as the senior editor for a new online magazine through a non-profit organization. It was my baby I did everything from managing a staff of 10, creating the website, and tons of other responsibility. It was everything I wanted to do when I graduated and to good to be true!!! We all worked very hard until the week after finals and close to launching the website it all came to a HALT! Not only is there no magazine right now, but my payroll checks bounced along with the web designer checks. Now I feel like all that work was in vain and I let my staff down. Currently I am seriously thinking of starting my own magazine and I am still pissed at the publisher.
-The RA job ended but at least I got hired for next year!!! I will miss those checks over the summer. It was a decent first year and now I am equipped to do much better next year.
- The love life is still wack!! I have a guy who does like me but something is pushing me away from him so I am following my gut. Some other guys spark my interest but for some reason they think we are friends...lol!
So I lost 2 of my 3 jobs and currently working in the computer lab and will be volunteering for the summer. Im trying hot yoga classes again which I love and pray the sun comes out and it gets hot in Chicago so I play outside more.
Although I am feeling very unproductive and trying to figure out what my God given talent is, life is still pretty good and really no reason to complain. I think it is time to reinvent myself again. I don't know but you all can look for more blog post coming soon. Since I am on the computer all day its really no reason I should not be blogging.
Until next time on " The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Terrance Howard made this statement in the movie Idlewild .Then, I did a google search and found the same concept in The Corsini Encyclopedia of Psychology and Behavioral Science. This is a very true statement. I think more so when you first start dating a person. If you are serious about someone, I would say don’t apply this rule. But, if you are just out here in these streets meeting different people you have to play this game.
Women have to play this game more than men because we are emotional creatures and can sometimes get caught up. Older women always say let men chase you and don’t give in so easy. When you do this they tend to act better. Whenever there is no commitment involved in a situation it is best for a woman to show little interest. That way she can tell if a man is really digging her. Some men will argue the case that they don’t chase or think they should chase women. But reality is, men do like to chase women .
Over the last 2 1/2 years of my singleness I have been dating, I think have shown too much interest too soon in the guys I really liked, and ended up with the short end of the stick. The others I showed least interest in were always willing to be flexible, and I had more control. I realized that I really don’t like dating. I think I might even be a little anger behind some of my most recent experiences. It is hard for me to deal with people (read:men) not being honest and upfront with me. My cousin tells me all the time that men always feel like they have to think for women. So it doesn’t matter if I tell a man that I can take the truth, he is usually not going to be honest with me. He thinks I am like every other woman, and can’t handle the truth.
Just this past week I had a guy, who I’ve been kicking it with for over a year girlfriend call me. This really pissed me off, but I had small warning signs before the destruction. I just didn’t listen. I don’t understand what hell was so hard about saying, “Hey Ms. Dev. I got a girlfriend.” I hate being caught up in drama. What if instead of calling me that girl would have just ran up on me in these streets because she seen me with her lying ass dude. She would have tried to jump on me thinking I knew about her.
Dating is getting way to crazy for me, and I need to listen to my gut instinct more. I’m seriously tired of dealing with foolishness and want something serious. I don't play games and I can't deal with people that do. I have no tolerance for anything else. Now, I will just patiently wait, look inside myself to see why I am attracting damn fools, and definitely not do the things I did in the past.
Until next time on ‘The Journey of Ms. Devereaux.”
Friday, January 2, 2009
Happy New Year Folks!! I don't have any resolutions other than to be the best person I can be. I spent new years alone for the first time which was cool with me. Hope you all have a safe and happy year. One of my readers sent me this email below and wanted feedback from my lovely readers.
Once again I am in need of your help. I have a topic I would like to get some answers on. Why are men visible people? They claim they want a real woman someone who will not lie to them, someone they can trust, someone to be their friend but yet they always want the women who are skinny and superficial. They look at your outsides before they get to know you. Are there any good BLACK men out there who really want what they ask for?
Sunday, December 28, 2008
We Wear the Mask,
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,- -
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be otherwise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see thus, while
We wear the mask.
We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!
This is one of my favorite poems. I learned so many growing up but my favorites were "On The Pulse of Morning" by Maya Angelou and this one by Paul Laurence Dunbar. I love to read and I have been creating a list of quotes that cater to my different emotions which often times help me stay focus.
What are your favorite poems and quotes?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
During my RA training in Aug. we did plenty of team building activities which required us to put a great deal of trust into each other. The concept was to teach us to be there for each other during the school year. While participating, I came to the conclusions that for my teammates it wasn’t about building trust; it was more so about getting everything right and winning the game. Life is a game, and in this game we have to trust people. We are taught this lesson at an early age. We trust our parents, relatives, friends, and mates. Often I hear that the phrase ‘I love you’ should not be thrown around so easily, but I think we should guard our trust the same way.
Trust is an enormous commitment, yet people throw it around so freely. Betrayal is difficult to survive, but it is a part of life. If you have faith in God, you tend to assume the best about people. But I wonder… Is it possible to betray one individual but be loyal to another? The best kept secret is the one untold…right?
The thought of trusting people bothers me. I really don’t like doing it because just like all of us I don’t like to be hurt. Over the last six months I have witnessed individuals do some terrible things to destroy people’s lives that TRUSTED them. Whenever I witness this I tend to guard my heart that much more. Plenty of people trust me because I am and have been loyal to them, but I wonder if deep down inside I can’t trust others because maybe I can’t be trusted…
What does trust mean too you? Can YOU really be trusted? Once the trust is broken how do you ever get it back?
Until next time on’ The Journey of Ms. Devereaux’
Monday, December 15, 2008
- I lost my flash drive with ALL my work on it! Including my final that was due on Monday. I had to redo the entire thing! Check out the finished product...
- I found out I can’t get a grant from my school that they promised me because the school
won’t give me anymore institution funds. They are covering my housing because I work as an RA, now I am going to get deported back to TX! Still praying for a miracle…
- My dance teacher was very proud of me, I truly did much better than I anticipated; considering it is a dance school and I have no rhythm or coordination.
- I interviewed an 11yr old aspiring writer for my radio interviewing class. She was incredible! Everyone loved her and most of all she was ecstatic about it!
- Saturday I couldn’t stop crying and I’m really not sure why. I guess the thought of going home was setting in.
- Church was great on Sabbath. Glad I went.
- My dating life has but faded from my rearview… The two guys I’m digging, I feel like I should fallback on. I don’t think it will turn into anything serious. One is definitely sexy as hell to me…whew!
- Friday night my friend took me to an incredible Jazz Gospel Messiah concert. I have never experienced such an musical event in my life! It was like Handel meets Gospel. That was an excellent way to end my stressful week!!!!
Question of the post: Do you find future planning helpful and if so, how far do you planning ahead?
I will blog more often now that I am on break so stay tuned and keep checking for more updates.
Until next on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"
Sunday, December 7, 2008
I know I haven't blogged in awhile, and may have lost my audience. But after finals and all my residents check out, I will be back over the x-mas break with more post. I have noticed everyone (other bloggers) is talking about their relationships lately. I don't think I'm ready to put that type of information out there, but I know I will come up with something.
Until then stay tuned...
Monday, October 27, 2008
Today is my 27th birthday and I am so grateful I made it. I decided to make a list of things I am thankful for to celebrate.
I am thankful for...
- A healthy body, mind, and soul.
- Being able to work towards my dreams everyday.
-Learning from past mistakes, and seeing myself growing as a woman everyday.
-Being able to recognize my blessing even during the hardest time.
- An amazing support system of family and friends. I don't know were I would be without them. To all of you I say... THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU!
-My sister, she really has no idea what it is like watching her grow into an incredible young woman. I love you so much, baby sis and keep pushing.
- The strength to move forward even when I want to quit.
- That I had a GREAT time Saturday night celebrating, plus my one of best friends came to visit me this weekend.
- That I still have both my parents active in my life. I think I take this for granted way too often.
My list could go on forever, but I am just thankful for all of God's blessings in my life.
To celebrate my birthday, tell me what you are thankful for.
Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Finally, my 1st radio interview!! Yes I go by the name of HoneyLove, (shout out to Kj and Aleesha for creating that name.) There is no particular theme to this interview. My assignment was to interview someone who attended my school. This interview is with one of the Graduate Assistant, who left a career as a business analyst and nows lives in the residence hall. I thought this was a pretty interesting change of pace. The interview is 9 mins long.
Please feel free to give any HONEST feedback. I really want to know what you all think.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Lately, I have been extremely home sick, and I was on duty this past weekend, which didn't make it better. However, I am blessed to have my Aunt Linda in the suburbs. I can always go chill with her and it feels a little like TX. Over the weekend while trapped in the building on duty ( I really do love my job) I started thinking about when I was a child, and the joy of coming home from school and going outside to play. At one point, that was once the highlight of my day. I couldn't wait to go out and play during recess, then rush home to do my homework/chores so I could go outside again. That was the good old days...
Growing up I got a lot of whippings, in school, at home, and at my grandma's house. Pretty much everyone got whippings in on me. I remember one day, when I was in private school my teachers got smart and realize that the whippings didn't phase me anymore. I just wanted them to get it over with so I could get outside and play. This particular day, I got in trouble as usual in the 6th grade for cursing(yes I was way to young to curse, but I did it!). My teacher Ms. Jackson(she was one of the best teachers I ever had) sent everyone outside and told me to stay in. I wasn't really nervous since I had been getting in trouble often that school year.
After everyone leaves for recess, I go to her desk and she tells me I want you to write a 1000 lines saying 'I will not curse'. Ok, that's cool I can handle it. By this point I had been writing lines for months now, so I had it down to a science. We pray together, then I go get myself ready to go outside. While packing my books Ms. Jackson decides to tell me...' also, you CANNOT go outside for recess for the rest of week'. I turned around and almost cursed again. WTH!!! I almost collapsed on the floor. I couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. Everything begin to move in slow motion. I ran up to her desk and began negotiating to write more lines, and she can tell my daddy what I did so he will give me a whipping too. But PLEASE LET ME GO OUTSIDE!!! She wouldn't budge, I was devastated. I couldn't believe it, the ultimate punishment had taken place. Not only was I not allowed to go outside at school, but my dad whipped me and I couldn't go outside at home either. Of course, by this point I was plotting to run away...lol. Even though I thought I was going to die that week I made it. All week I stood in the window every day watching everybody play as I cried silently in my room. You would think I would have stop cursing, but I didn't the same thing happened again a few months later when we lost our softball game. That is another story though.
Kids now days don't play outside that much anymore. They have the internet, video games. cellphones, and I guess it's not as safe anymore. I really miss recess, because it was a great release from everything around me.
Do you ever want to go outside and play, when you feel trapped or overwhelmed?
Thursday, October 2, 2008
We are officially a month into school. It's been really busy, especially since I have a lot more on my plate. I work as a Resident Assistant to 34 students on my floor. I take 15 credit hrs., and I work in the computer lab. The RA gig is not really that bad. I haven't had any problems with my students or anybody else in the building yet.(knock on wood). Honestly, I think my students like me. If they need anything they have no problem knocking on my door. Other duties I have as an RA is to create bulletin boards monthly, and activities for my students. So now my creative side has to come out. Check out some of my work. Special thanks to MLB for the help.
My classes are cool. I really HATE my Copy Editing class. I like the teacher but I just hate the class. Unfortunately, I am not a detail person as much as I should be, so it is extremely challenging for me. Not to mention AP Stylebook has the most insane rules for writing. I like my Jazz dance class. I have this obsession with learning how to dance so I plan on taking dance till I graduate. Since we have a dance school the classes are really intense. Most of these people have been dancing for years. My teacher retired from the Alvin Alley Dance Company, I'm glad she is patient with me. I mean I have no sense of rhythm or coordination at all. It is definitely a site to see. Radio Interviewing is a fun class, I conduct real interviews and they are aired on the school radio station. I will upload my interviews for you all to hear and tell me what you think. Oh yeah, my Visual Journalism class is great. I learn about magazine/newspaper layouts and create my own throughout the semester. For my final I have to create a full layout meaning the article, photos, editing, everything as though it is going to print in a publication the next day. Which some might get chosen for a publication depending on how good it is.
Now that I am living by myself I cook everyday almost. Mainly healthy stuff, and I think I accidentally became a vegetarian since meat is so high. I paid $9.00 for 3 pieces of chicken last time I went shopping. Plus, I am a pretty good cook. Over this past weekend I went to my friends house and I made a salad. Check out the pic below. I think the avocado made it look kind of weird.
Basically that is all I do. My life is pretty boring and busy at the same time. I don't date, party, shop, or hang out with friends( since I only have two, one is married the other has a boyfriend). I think I am content though, which is weird for me. God is still blessing me and I really can't complain, because every night after my longs days I get to come home and look out the window at this amazing view God has blessed me with.(yes this the real view from my apartment)
I like this song I heard in my dance class by Duffy- Hanging on Too Long. I can't relate at this point in my life, but I have been there before. click the link to hear the song. That is all for now folks...
Until next time on 'The Journey of Ms. Devereaux'
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
It’s a time for change, a time for appreciation, a time for admiration and respect, and what better way to embrace this time than to appreciate the hands we stand on…our black men.
We need our black men. They are the hands we stand on. The next time you see a black man — city, suburb, or country, — SMILE and say hello.The next time a brother opens the door for you, SMILE and say thank you. If you are close enough, SMILE and ask “how are you doing today?”If a black man is living in your home and he gets up everyday and goes to face a world that doesn’t really want him there, when he comes home,let him know that you appreciate him.
This message has inspired the ladies of www.singleblackmale.net to start a movement of love and change.
Black Men Appreciation Day is about saying thank you, smiling, giving a gift, positive affirmation, hugs, kisses, or even saying 'I admire you' or 'I’m proud of you' or whatever you can think of to show appreciation to the black men you encounter.
On September 17, 2008 we will stand up and stand together in admiration and appreciation of our black men. They are not only our hands but also our foundation, and without this foundation our house will surely crumble. Remember, it only takes one person to start a movement…one person to initiate a change. Imagine the difference a multitude will make. Our black men deserve this, we deserve this. What good is a house without a strong foundation? Let’s strengthen our foundation. Together we will make a difference.
Please come back and share your responses you received and how you felt showing this love and appreciation.
Spread the word, spread the love…September 17th is now officially Black Men Appreciation Day!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Hey folks it’s been a while since I have been on here. Well a lot has been going on, so I am going to catch ya'll up really quick. I moved into my apartment and I have been in training for my new job as a Resident Assistant. It has been extremely challenging trying to take in all the information but I am sure it will be fine. My only concern is the age gap between me and my residents on my floor, but I am pretty cool as you already know so I’m not to worried…lol. Since this is my last day of training I found a little time to blog. Keep me in your prayers folks this year will be interesting. On to the post now…
Have you ever thought you met the ideal mate, but didn’t want to get too eager about it? Have you ever gotten an opportunity to do something you always wanted, but to afraid to leave your area? If you died today would you feel like you have lived your life to the fullest as much as possible? Do you want to live your life to the fullest?
These types of questions have been running through my mind since the death of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes. I really started to think how short life can be. We are always told that by older folks but, I guess it hadn’t really sunk in for me until recently. It made me sit back and look at life in a different light. I am usually a person who is extremely guarded and doesn’t let people in my world. This can often times cause me to miss out on some great individuals. However, life is short and I have determined to live my life to the fullest, so I have to change my mindset. I don’t want to die at a point in my life were I really haven’t lived merely because I was fearful. I mean how can you enjoy life really if you don’t embrace all parts of it? I was talking to someone a few weeks ago, that was advising me to let my guard down when dealing in relationships. We tend to guard our hearts in efforts to save ourselves, but we are just hindering ourselves from growth and moving to the next step. They continued to advise me life is too short to spend all your time protecting your heart and never allowing yourself to love in hopes that the perfect situation will come around. They said to let go and just let things flow naturally without being so guarded. Strangely enough, I am willing to try it. (Wall slowly coming down...)
More often than not, we miss out on opportunities because of fear. Love is a beautiful thing; sometimes it makes you joyful, miserable, irritated, grateful, and baffled. If you can walk, breathe, see, talk, smell, taste, hear, and feel then you are blessed. We are not promised each day we open our eyes. It’s only by the grace of God. I know that if I died today I wouldn’t be happy with the way I have lived life expect for maybe the last few years. Solely, because of the growth I believe I have experienced. I could only look back and say ‘oh it was cool, we had some fun times’ but that is it. The past year I really pushed myself out of my element and I plan on continuing to do that so I can grow. Life is about change, growth, experiences, and having fun. I don’t want to remain the same person, and the only way to grow is to be open and not let fear control me. So from this point on I am going to promote 'living life to the fullest'. That doesn’t mean I am going to be crazy and do outlandish things, but I am going to take chances, embrace new experiences, and let love have it way whenever it comes. Don’t hold back folks, sometimes the scariest decision you make and be the best one and change your life forever.
Life is a trip and then you die, don't let fear hold you back.
Until next time on 'The Journey of Ms. Devereaux'
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Well today is officially 1 year I have lived in Chicago and I've been pursuing my dreams. I felt it would be great to honor this day with an update to my readers about some interesting events of this year. Now I won’t do this every year, just because that would be corny…lol. Now lets get started on my recap shall we…
God - If I ever doubted God in my life (which I never have) I can tell you without a doubt he does exist and I’m a living witness. Anyone that needs a story of encouragement I have plenty to share. Many of you have been reading since my first post know how much of a faith walk this experience has been.
School - I started as a part time student due to financial aid (thank you George W. Bush). Fall 2008 I will be a full-time student, (15hrs) thanks to the Illinois MAPP Grant and prayers.
Internships- Last year I started an internship with www.glossmagazineonline.com and will continue with them. Recently I became a freelance writer for www.inchicity.com which is really exciting, so I will have a variety of work for my portfolio.(click on website to view)
Partying - When I first got here I partied a little too much. Mainly because my cousin was moving and my previous roommate and I wanted to make sure she had a great time. Some of our best times have been at Funky Buddha lounge. There was one night my roommate and I spent 50.00 each for a wasted night for us, but a good night for my cousin.(which is what matters). Another night my cousins and I went to a play. I was excited about going home early(so I could sleep) but they decided to go out to Funky Buddha then to eat at my favorite spot Taco Burrito, which I couldn’t appreciate because I was so tired. Did I mention I had to be at work at 8 a.m. the next morning. Needless to say, I went to work almost sleep as they slept peacefully…aww the good times. We always have fun when we go out.
Jobs - I have had nothing put temp jobs which didn’t last long due to whatever reason. I did get a job at my school as a Resident Assistant, which comes with a free apartment and dedication to the students. I think I will be great at this position. Also I applied for a dream job back in March (so I thought) as a personal assistant, which got me caught in a huge scam and my bank account being $9 million overdrawn. Yes you read correctly nine million dollars. Luckily everything got cleared up and I didn’t go to jail…long story folks.
Dating - Umm this subject is weird for me. I honestly don’t know what dating is. I consider myself to be cool with every guy I met or go out with. I call it ‘We Cool’, maybe you all can tell me what dating is. I have had fun hanging out with some people here but for the most part it’s nothing to write home about. Although there is this one fella I would love to go with for real but it hasn’t happened yet. Maybe he will read my blog and know that it’s him…lol.
Housing - When I moved here I was suppose to rent my cousins place out. That didn’t work out for various reasons. My roommate at the time also expressed that she couldn’t live with me anymore, but I could stay with her for a little bit till I found a place. Well as we all know folks things change and that didn’t work out at all. I was pretty pissed and we didn’t talk for a while. During this time I considered coming back to TX. Not that my family wasn’t willing to let me stay with them. I really didn’t want to do that. Plus, we all had weird schedules and it didn't seem like it would work out. But God worked everything out and I didn’t have to go back to Texas. I camped out on my cousin’s couch during the week and lived in my aunt and uncle basement apartment on the days I didn’t have class. This transition was the hardest time of me you all have no idea; mentally it got really bad for me.
Family - My family has been great and I want to say THANK YOU. We have had our challenges that’s for sure, but at the end of the day we have each others back. They have really been lifting me up on their shoulders despite having their own issues. Ya’ll know how I can be so we have gotten into arguments when I felt a challenged, but it all worked out for everyone.
Events - This summer I went to a few interesting and exciting events. Chaka Khan and Angie Stone concert, it was FREE and FUN! Stevie Wonder was great but it was so crowded I couldn’t move. Usually I am not nervous about large crowds but this was scary. I also worked a Black Gay/Lesbian Pride Event, which was interesting. These are my thoughts after this event. As far as gay men, ages 25-younger they have no problem expressing who they are they just don’t care. Those 27- 35 maybe a little younger are the ones that blew me away. Although they were in their environment there were A LOT of men I would have never thought in a million years would be gay. If I saw them on the streets it wouldn’t cross my mind. They were manly, handsome, and well dressed. Any older, they can be discreet but they don’t care. As far as women in my age group listen to me… YOU CAN’T TELL IF A MAN IS GAY! The men you think are gay aren’t. The ones you think aren’t gay could be? It’s crazy I was just in shock, great experience though. Another great event was the Unity Journalism Conference. This is where the Black, Asian, Native American, and Hispanic Journalist come together for workshops, careers fair, galas, and parties. I volunteered there everyday last week. I learned so much to prepare me for my next steps, and met some really great informative people. I probably seen everyone you watch on TV for news. On the last day Sen. Barack Obama came which I can’t tell you about because I didn’t make it. Overall, priceless experience!
Mentors - Last semester I found my mentor. He taught my Reporting & Writing Class. I really like him as a teacher. He is great, simply because he is a current journalist, honest, informed, and truly cares. I am so glad I took the advice of some guy I met at a party who told me to take him as a teacher. If you are reading this ‘mentor’ I would like to say thank you.
It's impossible to cram a year in one post. But,overall it has been a HUGE challenge and to be honest I almost gave up so many times. I got tired of crying, struggling, fighting, and everything else. But, I always say ‘it’s never really bad’. Chicago has a way of showing you that as soon as you walk out of your front door, with homeless, hungry people everywhere. I believe God has a purpose for me. My cousin told me if he didn’t see everything that was going on with me he wouldn’t believe it himself. I think I have grown tremendously and I am ready to continue growing and maturing as a woman. It’s been one hell of a ride but totally worth it and I can’t wait for what’s next…I think (just kidding I’m ready)
Until next time on 'The Journey of Ms. Devereaux'