Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Breathe Again...

Can you hear me? I am screaming loud to the heavens full joy, as I stand in the middle of a field watching my dreams come true. I can breathe again!!!! I can’t believe I completed my first semester of school. Whew, what a semester it was, I definitely did way to much “extra” but I enjoyed it all every step of the way. I know the number one question is how did I my grades turn out? Well I won’t be answering that question just maybe only two people will know and probably not even that. This semester gave me exposure to some extremely talented, creative, driven, and weird individuals. Although my school is expensive I love it. Granted there are days I didn’t want to go (4hours one class) and sometimes even felt as though I didn’t learn anything that day. I think I may have jumped into a few things a little to fast, and maybe hang out a little too often but hey you live and you learn. I don’t know if I should say this but I am proud of myself. I know my unspoken challenges and fears in my mind and I know how many hurdles I gotten over personally this semester. I am definitely enjoying my break and have a clear vision on how next semester should go.

Thank you to everyone who helped me, if I had money you all would get Christmas gifts. But I don’t, so I say thank you for the advice, tears, emails, internet usage, late conversation, harsh words, laughter, parties, prayers, and most of all support. You know people always say they are there for you. I definitely put that to the test this semester. I am thankful to God for the people who he placed in my life because for the most part they accept me for who I am while in process try to make me better.

I am definitely over the whole glamour of living in Chicago, but I do like it here despite the cold weather and expensive cost of living. The other day it was snowing so hard and I was at the bus stop, by the time I got on the bus I looked like a snow man….lol. It was pretty, I guess. This is a great city and a lot of opportunity and networking can be done if you take advantage of it. You all will see as each of you takes time to come visit me…lol.

Funny, but unfortunate and embarrassing story: You all know I have my internship with www.glossmagazineonline.com. Remember I sent out the email about dating with kids? Well I am writing what I think is going to be a GREAT article, I get half way finish and read my editorial calendar again and realize I was doing the wrong story! Talk about sick, I was ready to leap out of the window! However, this is such a great subject I am going to blog about it and still submit the article maybe for another issue. Thank you all for your help with that.

Anyway I know you all don’t like long blogs, plus I am tapped out on words for a little bit. I will definitely be back soon since I have so much I have been observing. Happy Holidays folks!

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms.Devereaux”

Thursday, November 15, 2007

PAINT IT BLACK!!!!

Hey Folks, I can't begin to express in words the emotions I feel and, how proud I am to have been apart of such an amazing event sponsored by the Black Student Union last night. But I am going to try my best!

It is safe to say this was the best program Columbia College Chicago has seen this semester. I know you are wondering what Paint It Black is. Paint It Black pays tribute to African American Artist new and old such as Billie Holiday, Stevie Wonder, Alvin Ailey, Maya Angelou, Mary J. Blige, Katherine Dunham, Langston Hughes, Gordon Parks and all performances were by Columbia College Chicago students.

We all worked intensely on this project, for a moment is consumed our lives. It started as a vision of the BSU facility sponsor and became a reality last night. During the development process it didn't seem like things were going to come out like we all imagined. Everything continually changed, people didn't agree, advertisement wasn't going well, everyone had an opinion and not everyone had action. You all know how it can be when there are too many chiefs and not enough Indians. Honestly, many times I wanted to walk away from this project because it seemed so chaotic. I worked on the order of the performance and, I didn't realize until last night how important it was. You didn't want to bore people to death, but you had some acts that were longer, and you had to keep everyone attention. On paper it didn't seem completely right, but last night it flowed perfectly, and all the hard work paid off!!! Did I mention we had delicious soul food!!!

I never got a chance to see the talent chosen from the audition since I was always so busy with other stuff. Now I am glad I didn't see them until last night, I was able to appreciate them more. Let me tell you, there is some serious talent at Columbia College. You know how sometimes everyone is not so impressive, and a few are great? Not here... everyone was GREAT!! Not to mention the band was spectacular. Did I mention we started at 7pm (which was exactly on schedule) and ended 9:50pm which gave the audience and performers time to have a jam session. Last night I worked on the audio and visual (where did I learn that from) part of the slide show (yes I messed up a few times), it was so funny to keep hearing people say" wow I can't believe they are on schedule". Yep that's right black people can start and end on time, even with a little bit of extra jam sessions. The best moment of the night was when the last Stevie Wonder song "Living in the City" was sung. We stood there in the back watching the audience and the performer have a great time singing along (doing the electric slide) and our mission had been accomplished. The emotions I felt last night I can't even explain. It actually turned out better than we all imagined.

With my short lived time here in Chicago, I am extremely excited to have been a part of something so GREAT! Shout out to BSU!!! We did it!! Now let’s try to pass our classes this semester and get some sleep.

Oh yeah did I mention that one of my articles is featured in a newsletter that goes out across Chicago...WOW!

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Ok I Am Back...

Hey folks, I know it has been awhile since I have spoken with you but I have been busy for real this time and, a lot of cool things are going with me. I wanted to write sooner but I just didn't know what to say. I mean am I talking about the same things over and over? Do I bore my readers yet? Anyway enough with the random questions let me tell you guys everything I can remember has happen to me over the last month.

I took my first midterm in 5yrs and I almost had a stroke, of course I was the last person in the class to finish. I have no clue how I did and there were a few distractions.

I wrote my first two articles that will be published in an online magazine this month through my internship. I am so EXCITED about that.

I went on a couple of dates... nothing to talk about really.

I have been having extreme writers block lately.

I turned 26yrs old a couple of weeks ago we had a blast (shout out to the girls!) and I feel good at this point in my life which is really a great feeling.

I am suppose to give someone a quarter every time I curse, I am officially $99.25 in the hole...lol I really need to stop cursing but it seems like nothing else can express the passion I feel about a particular subject at the time like a curse word. I know it is wrong and not ladylike, but I am dealing with it....lol

Why when you tell someone you didn't hear them they feel the need to talk slower instead of louder?

It is cold here finally and I do not like it.

I have been going out and having fun, doing my single, grown & sexy thang, which is odd and cool at the same time.

I don't think I like my fiction writing class anymore, I feel like knowing all the techniques behind writing doesn't make it fun anymore. However the information is helpful and I am sure will make me a better writer, but it is not fun anymore.

I had some really good topics to blog about but since I don't have my own computer the ideas get lost in translation in my head.

I am happy I went to therapy before I came here, it is really helping me cope with people and there ways. Shout out to the House of Healing and Mr. D!

Is it me or there are way too many school shootings going on lately?

I think I have to be careful now because I was so excited about my blog I would tell everyone about it and want them to read. Since these other indivuals don't know me they might think I am really off balanced.

I went to see American Gangster it was great! I love Idris Alba and of course Denzel is amazing, let me not forget Common. T.I. is so skinny.

Over all people, I am living life enjoying every step of my journey. God is truly good to me despite my evil ways. I am grateful for my daily experiences, those who help me everyday as I take these steps toward success, my guardian angel, I am thankful that I have people who really believe in me. I am thankful that I am starting to believe in myself and my abilities. Anyone who is looking to make a change in there life as I always say go for it!

I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving and see my GRANDMA and EAT!

Anyway I have to go I will let you all know when my articles are out. Until next time on “The Journey of Ms. Devereaux". I hope I didn't bore you guys too much I just have alot on my mind. We will talk again soon and I won't stay gone so long.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Confessions of An Addict... Pt.1

You cannot walk with GOD and hold hands with the Devil.

An addiction is a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity.

Can you imagine having an addiction and no matter how bad you want to change your habit it seems impossible? I have a SECRET... I am addict and my drug of choice I won't mention, but I am going to rehab. Today while walking to work I came to this realization. I think we all have addiction whether we admit it or not. Your addiction can be things such as drugs, food, sex, pain, men, women, gambling, shopping, pornography, computers (internet), work, exercise, religion etc. Thinking about my own addiction I begin to feel bad for individuals who are addicted to drugs. I mean, what a hellish life to live when you know you should change but in your mind it seems impossible. I would love to wake up in the morning and be over my addiction, but that is not the way it works instead I keep doing the same thing every single day not being able to control myself. Now I realize I have an addiction I understand how people lose everything because of the money they spend. I don't necessary spend money; however it does cost me alot of time that I can never get back.

Here is what I don't understand, how do you know if you will become an addict to something, and is it an addiction or OCD? What are the signs to recognize if you have addictive behavior? When does the pattern of behavior become an addiction? Is the real problem that addicts don't have self control? I don't know the answers to these questions, maybe ya'll do. What I do know is that I think I might understand what it is like to be a drug addict and I feel bad for them.

I know when ya'll read this most of ya'll are going to be like huh? What is she talking about? I am not addicted to an ILLEGAL DRUG just to clear that up but I do have an addiction. I would like to hear what some of ya’ll have to say about this blog.

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Monday, October 8, 2007

As I Pick My Nails....

Hey folks, as I pick my nails today I figure I would update everyone on what I did this last week. Well this week was a cool and busy some interesting things happen...

I got sick as a dog on Monday, those of you who know me are aware that I am the worst person to get sick. However lucky for me my cousin healed me in hours

I went to another comedy show with Damon Williams and of course I was laughing LOUD!!

I got an internship with www.glossmagazineonline.com I am NERVOUS but I know I can handle it.

We said goodbye to a family member and it was sad.

Oh I went to Andrews University this weekend with Michelle and Meghan to see her twin sister Morgan. On Sabbath morning the devil was on my back, because I had HORRIBLE ATTITUDE. I didn't even want to go to church, but everyone made me go. At first I didn't go in church I sat outside in the car just upset and I really didn't know why other than the fact my hair looked as though I had been in a fight with the comb. Finally I got my attitude together after praying and went into church. Ya'll church was great Dr. Jules from NY preach, the music was great the whole service was amazing. Later that evening we went back to a program they had called "The Celebration of Gospel”. It was GREAT, I have never been to concert I enjoyed that much. The only problems were these girls were sitting behind us talking loud and yelling loud in my ear. You know me, I turned around and ask them to stop and they got pissed and started talking about me and got louder. What do you all think I did then? Despite those chicks I had a great time.

I wonder why I stay up so late; I don't function well in the morning no matter what time I go to sleep.

I am still having emotional hair problems.

It sure seems like a long way till 120 credit hours to graduate from college

Why do people spell their names when its something simple like "Jimmy Brown", but when there name is Ojuebma Witheusebio they don't think they should take the time to spell it, they just sit there and wait for you to ask them to spell their stupid names. (My call center family knows what I mean)

Why do people always feel the need to state the obvious?

Someone left a comment under "bean child" Who are you?

I see my previous post didn't change anything, just like black folks that’s ok I still love my readers. Every week I learn someone new reads my blogs and that is always exciting to me.

I could go on and on but I won't...

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

A Morning Gone Wrong...

Hey folks, I know we have all experienced “A Morning Gone Wrong", if you don't know what I mean let me explain. Have you ever woke up in the morning at 6:50am when you should have gotten up at 6:00am? First, you are upset the clock is going off since it feels like you just closed your eyes 30mins ago. Second, you hope you forgot to cut your alarm off and it’s really the weekend. Third, you realize you have to catch your bus at 7:15am. (At least I have to). Once all this has set in your mind, you immediately leap from your bed not realizing your foot is tangled in the sheets and you hit the floor face first. If you weren't awake before, you definitely are now. In these times seconds count in order to possibly still make it to work on time. Like myself I have to catch the bus(and the bus will drive off while you are running down the street), I know for you all back home it is a matter of what kind of morning traffic you will get caught in. If you are like me, most of you have a routine in the morning but on this tragic morning your routine has to be modified. Now decisions have to be made, do I take a shower or a wash off, what can I wear that doesn't have to be iron, do I get something to eat or just not think about my stomach growling, and there is no time for make-up.

Once you finally get to the door with your clothes hanging half way off your body, ready to get in your car or lock the door that dreadful question rings out... WHERE ARE MY KEYS?!!! You are way past panic mood because the hope you had to make it to work on time has just disappeared. The thought of finding your keys is enough to make you call in to work. You have sweat rolling down your face, heart pounding, you begin running around the house like a chicken with its head cut off. WHEW, you found your keys ok get to work! Due to some freak of nature from the doorstep to your car you manage to drop almost everything in your hand at least once. For me I dropped my money while crossing a busy intersection when the light was about to turn green. After all this has happen you finally get to work on time exhausted, sweaty, stressed, and ready to go home before the day has even begun. Folks this happen to me the other day and I figure it has happen to you also, maybe even this week. If indeed you haven't experienced “A Morning Gone Wrong" be thankful because it’s not fun but it is extremely FUNNY!!!

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Am I Talking To Myself...

Hello my lovely readers, how are you all doing? This blog is to inform you all on the importance of comments on my blog. I felt the need to write this blog because like myself, many of you are new to this experience. I know some of you may think that reading my blog is like reading a book, you don't comment when you read a book so why comment on the blog? Well I am glad you asked. As the writer of the blog I am extremely interested in knowing my readers thoughts. When my readers don't comment it’s like I am having a conversation with myself. There are times when my blogs don't always require a response, you may not have anything to say, or you might not feel comfortable writing your name (hint: anonymous) I can understand those occasions. However, on this last blog "I Don't Want To Grow Up" there was a direct question which required an answer from my readers.

Another important point about comments is that it allows me too see who reads my blogs, and I also see if my audience is growing. When I speak with some of you over the phone I definitely appreciate your comments on how you enjoy my blogs. All I am saying people is that as much as you enjoy reading my blogs I enjoy reading your comments, it’s exciting. Now knowing black folks I can't help but think nothing will change, but for once I will be optimistic.

Thank you in advance for you cooperation.

Thank you to my readers who already comment I love you!

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I Don't Want To Grow Up...

I always knew growing up would be hard. As a kid I never said “I can't wait to grow up", all I ever wanted was for my parents to stop asking me questions. According to my father I will never get old enough to reach that goal...lol. What does it mean to grow up? I definitely have no clue because I think I am still a kid at heart.

Does it mean you pay your own bills?

Does it mean you can no longer cry when things go wrong?

Does it mean accepting reality whether you like it or not?

Does it mean getting married and having kids?

Does it mean you no longer act childish?

I really don’t know what it means I am still on the search for the answer myself. However, what I do know is, growing up or being grown is hard. Maybe someone did warn me about growing up and I didn't listen to them. Is it that I am spoiled and that is I why I don't want to grow up? Luckily, I always have people in my life to remind me of the fact that whether I want to grow up or not, I have to, because this is real life, not a fairytale. (You know who you are)

Ok, folks I would like for you all to tell me what your definition of being grown is, once I read your comments maybe I will have a better idea...

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Days Of My Life...

I know it’s been while since I have been on here so I have alot to update you on. How are all my readers doing? Over the last couple of weeks I have...

Finally went to DUSTIES!!!! My favorite soul food resturant

Attended a school activity called "Big Mouth" its like a talent show, but it was very interesting almost ghetto didn't know so many black kids attended Columbia. The best performances was a girl who did an amazing poem, and this he/she (born as a man, but look and dress as a woman) with his dancer, they performed Beyonce song “Freakum Dress” I wish I had it on tape, I can’t began to describe how good the he/she was, oh yeah not to mention his hair was flawless. Of course I asked him what he put on his hair to get it so straight. There was a guy who had the phrase “Free Jena 6” cut in the back of his head, I thought that was cool

Someone told me Bible stands for: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. Maybe you all have heard of this before but I thought it was pretty cool

I attended Sabbath dinner with the youth at the church here, great food, interesting conversation, it was cool but of course I miss my Grace Temple family.

I still like my job it’s so funny to talk to people; customers call in to argue for anything. One lady threw a complete fit about $2.00 when it cost her more to have that conversation about the $2.00. One individual wanted to know why he was charged .05 more than the amount quoted. Also they seem to have a hard time spelling Tia which is the name I go by. I get upset most when people ask for a phone number and when you give them the number they always say" hold on let me get a pen" what have you been doing all this time I was talking. Whew, sometimes these people make me laugh and crazy at the same time. For those of you who worked in call centers you know what I mean.

I joined the Black Student Union, and Columbia College Association of Black Journalist. We have an event already planned that’s kind of exciting.

My "I Have a Dream" moment happen last week when I attended the Jena 6 march with BSU at my school, it was a great turn out, and exciting to witness people join together for an important cause. We listen to a few speakers then marched around the Daley Center (I think that is the name) honestly folks I couldn't imagine marching back in the day when it wasn't as peaceful as I experienced that night. I can't explain how I felt but it was definitely an extraordinary experience.

There is a cutie at my school gym; do you think that will make me go work out now? Hmmmm

I haven't had any random stranger run-ins lately...lol

I have been foolishly wearing heels around the city, I look sexy I think, but it hurts sometimes, women have it so hard or maybe its just women who by cheap shoes…LOL

I have been going to the wrong class for the first two weeks...lol it wasn't funny at first until it was all straighten out.

I left my keys at home yesterday and I was standing at the door of my building, this guy comes out and tells me he couldn't let me in. At first I was upset since my day begins at 6am and doesn't end until 10pm on Monday and Tuesday, but I know security is more important.

I want to go see some movies I haven't seen anything lately ya'll know I always saw everything that hit the theater... no reason for saying this it is just random thought

Oops I went shopping and I officially love thrift stores I got a jacket, shirt, a pair of jeans, and a scarf for $20.00. Is that still considered shopping?

I don't like reading out loud anymore, in my fiction writing class we have to read out loud, and when its my turn I sound like a 2nd grader reading. I do know how to read maybe it was just that day.

Oh yeah I went to a comedy club with my cousin and some friends. Those who know me know that I laugh loud. Well it was only 4 blacks in the whole club and the black comedian kept calling us out, of course it didn't help that I was laughing loud, but they were hilarious. I need a cute girly laugh...lol I still had a BLAST I want to go again.

Well that’s all folks until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux

Don't Look Back...

Recently, I notice myself falling into some of my old ways. I believe it started when I went home Labor Day Weekend, maybe it was too soon to return home. For a brief moment over the last few weeks I think I have taken my eyes off the prize. My light bulb moment happen yesterday when I received my grade on an assignment, trust me it was awful and no you will never know the grade. Anyway I have the tendency to always remember the way things or people were back in day. This thought process allows me to move forward but not as far because I consistently look back. I don't think I like change to much either, its weird since my entire life has been nothing but change, really I don't like people changing on me but it happens. When I made this move I planned on making some positive change, and at first that was happening with no problem. You know it’s a daily fight to try and improve yourself, and let me tell you for me it’s extremely hard. I believe it is ok to look back for lessons learned, but not when those memories will hold you back from moving forward with life. With all this said I am getting my focus back on track and looking at the light at the end of the tunnel. My grades shouldn't look HORRIBLE anymore, and if it does for some insane reason then I can't tell you what I am going to do...lol

Until next time on "The journey of Ms. Devereaux

Monday, September 10, 2007

100 Questions...

OMG!!! I went to my second class today "Grammar for Journalist". We all know I am in desperate need of this class, so I am extremely excited about learning. My teacher is a black lady whose worked in Journalism for the last 20yrs. She worked with the major publications here in Chicago and currently does freelance writing, she know what she is talking about. Today, of course we went over class expectation, everyone told a little about themselves, and blah, blah, blah. Then tragedy strikes, she hands out a diagnostic test to show our level in class. Those of you who are familiar with my testing abilities know I immediately PANIC when I got the test. I HATE TEST!! I begin to stress, sweat, pick at my face, pop my gum (smacking), just completely losing it. I don't do well on test, and this will definitely change. The test had 100 grammar questions on it. Ya'll I had to take the teacher outside (I felt so embarrassed) after reading over the questions and let her know I didn't know any of the information on the paper. I asked if maybe I should be in a remedial class, because I didn't know anything. She explained to me it was just to see our level, that I am probably not the only one, and just do my best. After taking the test, my class went over the answers and I wasn't the only brilliant-idiot. Even though I may have only gotten 6 answers right, I wasn't the only one that missed numerous questions. Once I realized we all were struggling I felt better, knowing that by the end of this semester I will write on alot better. (I hope)

Most of the things we covered I don't remember discussing since 6th grade in Language Arts class. Where has my mind been since then? I wonder why my English teachers in high school never noticed my problems. It's funny how we can skate though life without noticing certain problems until it becomes a major hurdle. I know I have a few struggles that I am working on and ask that you all pray for me. Out of everything I have experienced in life returning to school, and readjusting my entire life on so many levels is by far the hardest, exciting, and scary life event yet. I know God will help me through this, because I can't stop, I have to GRADUATE!!!

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Friday, September 7, 2007

Maybe it's just me...

Lately, I feel as though I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Don't mistake this for complaining, because I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Life is great I couldn't have put myself at a better place at this point in my life. Over the last couple of week’s alot has happen so let me catch you up. Oh yeah, where are my manners how are my readers doing? It's really a great joy to know there are people who are interested in reading your thoughts. At first I thought no one would be interested, but to my surprise there are quite a few readers. Thank you for reading my blog; honestly it’s just my boring little thoughts. Ok enough sensitive talk back to the events of my life...

Funny Moments: Yesterday Laila Ali (Muhammad Ali daughter) was filming something across the street from my job. Of course I am nosey so I was looking and trying to walk at the same time, I tripped and almost fell but I caught myself. I attempted to play it off but a couple of people saw me and asked if I was ok...lol

This morning I was listening to Steve Harvey and walking to work. Steve Harvey is crazy so for a moment I forgot I was around other people, he said something so funny I began laughing out loud (ya'll know my country laugh) like I was at home alone in front of the TV. After I realize what I did, I looked around and this guy asked if everything was ok. He thought I was crying, for a moment I was almost embarrassed. We ended up having a good conversation on the way to work. Of course he made me miss the rest of Steve Harvey Morning Show but I guess that is ok.

I went home for Labor Day Weekend, although I had a good time I do remember why I left in the first place.

Oh, for those of you who don't know I do have a job and I like it. I am looking for 3 more jobs so I can afford to live here...LOL Can you believe they are going up on transportation, hence the reason I walk to and from work everyday. I am cheap and need to get in shape!

I went to my first class this week. It was 4 hours long, I couldn't imagine what we would discuss for 4 hours but time flew by. It is a Fiction Writing course I am taking because; I have been working on a book for a loooooonnnnnnnggggg time and would like to finish it. The class really allows you to pull your creativity onto the paper so your audience can grasp the picture you are painting with your words (I LOVE THAT). At first I felt a little intimidated because everyone else work was so great. I talked to one of my close friends and she said I scare easy and should be glad to be around young people who have fresh ideas. (Ok, I didn't think about it like that) Monday I'm taking my "Grammar for Journalist" class, we will see if I learn something if my grammar on my blogs improve then that means I am getting my monies worth.

I wonder do I expect too much from people. In my mind I give people my all but I don't feel I get the same in return all the time (maybe payback for what I did). That's fine I guess everyone is different and doesn't play by the same rules of life. I hold different people to certain standards and expect that they will live up to them (I guess they really don't have too). Ok I get it now I should allow people to be who they are, life does go on! Wheeeew for years I have been losing it because I felt misused, I understand I think, people are not going to always treat you the way you treat them and today I am glad to say that's OK. That’s life! I am not mad at anyone for being who they are; I just have to learn to accept people for who they show me to be. At that point, I determine whether to have them in my life or remove myself from those individuals.

I ate so well when I went home last weekend that was great! It was so good seeing everyone.

Last night I was going back and reading my old journal entries from 2005 in my diary. I couldn't believe how so many of my thoughts back then have manifested themselves now. Without certain events happening I wouldn't have ever made it here. I believe keeping a journal is the best thing a person can do. It allows you to witness your own growth. I have journals from 1997 that I use to read, the issues I had then were so meaningless but funny. If you don't keep a journal start, there are some thoughts in 2005 that I definitely no longer believe in 2007.

Do any of ya'll know the story behind honey-devereaux? If not, I might have to give you the breakdown on it one day.

Well that is all I can remember right now I am going to go home and get ready for church in the morning. Did ya'll like the song I put on here by Fantasia I love that song I listen to it everyday. I am going to play it at my graduation “I’M HERE" it drives my cousin crazy but after years of hearing it he will sing with me soon....LOL!


Until next time on the Journey of Ms. Devereaux

I miss you...

I remember when we first met; it was a day I will never forget. Someone I knew thought enough of me to introduce us. I miss you dearly, I think about you all time. I spent alot of time, money, and late nights with you. Whenever we are together you always smelled great. Sometimes when I was alone it would cheer me up knowing I could be with you. Who would have thought we wouldn't enjoy each others company anymore. There isn't anything that could ever replace you. I've searched high and low for something that would resemble you, yet I have come up empty handed. Nothing could ever replace you, the #6 Spicy Chicken Sandwich at Wendy's with lettuce, cheese, onions and a medium root beer. Man I miss that sandwich; ya’ll I have no clue where a Wendy's is around this city. I'm glad I could share the memory of my beloved sandwich with you guys.

I know who most of ya'll thought I was talking about....LOL

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Homework Already?

Hey ya'll school hasn't started, but they gave us a book to read called "Class Matters", plus an assignment that is due tomorrow. We are to write a first person essay (500 words or less), considering issues of class, race, gender, religion, ethnicity, and or culture-- or anything else that is important " telling details" about what shaped the person I am today... So I did and I thought I would share it with you guys. I hope I don't sound too crazy! Oh yeah I think the title is kind of crazy but I am going with it, just to see what happens. Leave a comment and tell me your honest thoughts. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Please excuse any errors you may find. Hence the reason I am attending school to become a great writer...and I thank you.

Same Face Different Story


Twenty- five years ago I was born too lower class parents-- a warehouse worker for a father, and a housekeeper for a mother, at Parkland County Hospital in Dallas, TX. Growing up in my neighborhood everyone’s story was familiar. African-American, single parents, unhappy two parent homes, poor housing ‘one step’ up from the projects, sub par
education system, with people who are only familiar with our surroundings. North Dallas, Arlington, Irving, and other suburban areas were home to the white population. Most Mexican- Americans at the time lived in one small area near my neighborhood.
I attended school with those who where just like me, but never understood me, many thinking I was in the wrong place, and never really knowing my story. Even though I was just like everyone else, I always stuck out like a sore thumb.
I have moved nearly 30 times (yes, literally 30) in my short life. I have lived in what some would consider the worst neighborhoods and the best neighborhoods in Dallas. By attending church every Saturday I received the outlet to engage with others -- working, middle, and upper class. Although they appeared to be like me, of the same ethnicity, race, religion, our cultural backgrounds were extremely different. Recognizing this difference I sought to become part of their culture. I was taught by my father a ‘street wise’ mentality, while my mother reminded me to remember my feminine side, and my faith in God. However, I forgot most of the things my mother said, and portrayed myself as my father instilled in me to be at a young age.
It was not until my teenage and adult years, did I socialize with individuals from other cultures, and ethnics. Due to my shallow mind develop from growing up it was hard to adjust, so I reverted to my comfort zone. The desire to succeed never left for me, thankfully I was granted the chance to move in a neighborhood, I had previously seen in pictures. The world around me completely dismissed everything I knew to be true. My thoughts on family, race, culture, and religion changed. My erratic behavior, fear, and bizarre ideas on life hinder me for a moment. Remembering my past and not wanting to return, I embraced the new culture I felt had been awaiting me for years. Today, I am able to attend Columbia College in an environment that takes diversity to the limit. Years ago, I would have shied away from such an experience. Now I am ready to indulge, learn, experience, and most of all enjoy this journey.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

My baby is grown...

Check out the Fantasia video on the side bar I love that song...

Ya'll I can't believe my baby sister went to college today. I hate I wasn't there to help her start her new journey. I think she is going to be fine though. The year was 1989 the month was Sept, the day was the 1st, and this little mean looking baby was born and placed in my hands, we called Amber . Of course she cried when she opened her eyes and looked at me. But I am sure she didn’t expect for me to look at her and start crying also…lol what a hassle it was raising her, ya'll she drove me crazy. I have her life all planned out so she shouldn't make any mistakes...JUST KIDDING! How weird is it that we are in college together. The dude at orientation was like hello class of 2011. For a moment I was like DDDDDAAAANNNNGGGGG that is forever. Then I realize it wouldn't take me that long. I remember my baby sister always wanting to go everywhere I went. I had to take her on dates with me back in high school. She never let me go on a date with her...lol. Once Derrick and I took her out for her b-day, and she wanted to drink liquor so bad. While Amber and her friend was in the bathroom we told the waitress to bring her a drink, and we were going to all pretend that it had liquor in it. I wish I could have video tape how they were acting drunk. They even said they could taste the liquor in the drink. After laughing so hard we finally told them there was no liquor in the drink, the expression on their faces was priceless...LOL
Amber is attending SWAU (Southwestern Adventist University Keene, TX), now if she gets in trouble out there she definitely went and looked for it. There is absolutely nothing to do in Keene, TX but pray! Yep my baby is going to be 18 next Sat. Where does the time go, these kids grow up so fast. I ask that you all keep her in your prayers because she has never been away from home. I know God will protect her and hopefully she will stay focus on graduating so she can make my money...HA!

Offically a college student...

The year is 1994 I was 12yrs. old, the month is May or June, and the day is ummm I don't remember. It’s like it was yesterday, I had flew to Chicago alone for my twin cousin’s high school graduation. I was riding with my Uncle Carl and Aunt Linda in downtown Chicago. This particular day my Uncle was showing me his office downtown. While riding in the backseat I remember looking at this amazing skyline, thinking man I would love to live here someday. At the tender age of 12 I never thought my dream would come true. You see when I was younger I never really believed in dreams. Today my dream became a reality! I attended the New Student Orientation at Columbia College. WOW, is all I have to say. Where was this school when I graduated from high school in 1999? In the mist of all the excitement, a few thoughts ran through my head today.
First, I felt really out of my element since I have only attended black schools my whole life. This time the black people are few and far between. My cousin Carl came with me as my "dad for the day" who was great and helped me relax. Oh yeah I didn’t sleep at all last night because I was so excited like a true GEEK! Even though I have attended college in the past, I never experience orientation and all the hoopla that comes with starting college. Second, I realize I was probably the oldest in the room except for the parents. Thanks to my great gene pool I don't look a day over 19...lol. Lastly, I almost cried thanking God for finally getting me to this point. This school offers everything you can think of to prep you for your career. We registered for classes everyone else enrolled for 12-15 credit hours. I smiled and told my advisor I needed no more than 6 credit hours. (On a budget folks) I met some new people, and most of all I am excited about starting school. I wish you guys could see my id pic, it’s so cheesy. You won't believe they gave us a book to read and would like an essay on the book next week… I am excited about that also.

Last Week...

Hey folks I have been a little busy, not really I just haven’t had access to a computer, so I am posting a little late. Let me update you on last week before we move forward. Oh yeah I am pleased to announce that I got a pedicure and a job last week...look how good God is!

My cousin and I went to an independent film called "Sarbane's Oxley" it was great!
I learn how to step at Chicago Public Library. Those of you who know me are aware I have absolutely no rhythm so you can imagine what I look like trying to dance...yes terrible but it was fun.
I finally enjoy being at home alone
I realize I can cook pretty well
I walked into Ebony magazine thinking I was going to get a job on the spot, you should have seen me. My confidence level was on full blast that day, you would've thought I already graduated from Columbia College in Journalism.
I didn't go to Jamba Juice or Taco Burrito
I was supposed to go on a date. Why didn't I go you ask, because I had a life sized pimple on my top lip. Pimples on your face people think you just have bad skin, but not on your lip...lol


Oh ya'll this MUST stop happening, another random dude story...
Being from Texas I say "hi" or "how are you" to almost everyone. When I got on the bus the other day, I see what my friend and I use to call “of great glory" (meaning a very handsome man). The bus was pack so I went to a seat I saw in the back. I say my usually "hey how you doing" now in my mind I am talking to the handsome guy, but instead who hears me, the old toothless dude standing in front of him. His response" not good enough since I don't know you", how come the fine dude didn't hear me? Well of course I pretended I didn't hear him and went to my seat.

City Dogs: My guy friend and I were sitting outside and we came to the stunning conclusion that most of these dog owners and their dog’s kind of look alike. It might just be me…LOL!

Well I think that is all folks for last week.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Its never really bad....oh yeah more random thoughts

The other night I was out about 1 a.m. and I saw this lady sitting on a park bench with her daughter on her lap sleep. I assume they were homeless and they had to sleep there. After seeing them I begin to realize how much I complain, when in reality nothing I am experiencing is worst than sleeping on a park bench with your child. From that point on I decided to tell myself that it’s never bad. As long as I have shelter, food, clothes, friends, family, and a functioning body it is never a bad day. This week alone I have seen more mothers with children homeless and it breaks my heart. I've had my share of odd jobs that I hated and some I quit, but thank God he allowed me to bounce back. Chicago is a great city; however everywhere you look you can find a constant reason to say Thank you Jesus, because it could have been me.

So what interesting things did I do this week...?

I went to Borders and read for 3 hours to avoid talking to this man. The conversation went like this...

Random Dude: Excuse me, may I ask your age?
Me: Sure I am 25 why?
Random Dude: I must say you look very young from the neck up, and like a grown woman from the neck down.
Me: WTF are you talking about! (screaming in my head) Well sir thank you for the observation
Random Dude: So what’s your sign?
Me: Get the hell out of my face(in my head)... I reply, Scorpio
Random Dude: Well I am a Virgo
Me: Oh cool, can you please stop putting your hands on me
Random Dude: Oh, I am sorry Miss Lady, so can I get a name and number I can reach you at
Me: Ummm let me think about that as I read my magazines in Borders (walk off quickly)
Random Dude: Ok you promise I will be out here working till 6
Me: Ok cool (I will make sure I read till 630)… lol

Ya'll I went out on a Sat. night by myself, I thought I was toooooo cute last night until I almost fell in the middle of the street...LOL. Then I saw this group of young black people who looked as though they were having a great group discussion. I almost went over to them and asked if I could join the conversation, but I was to shy.

Of course I hit Jamba Juice a couple of times this week
Went to Taco Burrito
I meet some people at an independent film theater
Went to church and read my Sabbath school lesson
I went to dinner and listen to this white lady talk about how she loves black churches. HA!

I was on the train tonight and this black kid was turning back flips in the seat. He kept kicking the hell out of this white guys head. The dude turn around and looked at the mother like he was about to beat the hell out of her kids. I almost died laughing because the guy face was so red. Parents control your bad ass kids.

I know ya'll want to hear more dog stories but you are going to have to wait till next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Does the truth really work?

Hey ya'll it has been an interesting week. Well not really but saying that it has sounds better...lol. Today I had the privilege of doing manual labor with my uncle which was cool, since I had been doing odd jobs to make money. In the mist of being out in the sun I begin to think about how I could have never been a slave. My aunts told me they would have just beaten me to death since I would’ve been considered lazy. During the conversation I thought about how I use to get beatings when I was younger. I stayed in trouble because I lied a lot. My parents use to say if I told them the truth I wouldn’t get a beating.(Yeah right) One time we were in the store, and I would steal butterscotch candy all the time and eat it as we grocery shop. My mother wouldn't allow me to have any sweets back then. I would pretend I was putting 5 cents in that little box on the Brach’s candy and I would get a hand full and stuff them in my pocket. Usually I would finish them before we got home. This particular time I got caught slipping. Those of you who know my dad already know what he said..."Joy (my nickname) if you tell me the truth I won't whip you"(even though the belt is already in his hand) in my mind, if you caught me with the candy in my mouth why are we having this discussion. Ok I will try this truth thing,” yes daddy I stole the candy" before I knew it the belt stings across my back (not buttocks but my BACK,wrong spot dad) what the hell, you tricked me we had an agreement. I guess they didn't want me to steal anymore so they both whip me in the same day. My mother took the time to pray before she use to whip me. I never understood why after you got a whipping you had to go take a bath. So I decided I was fed up with them and I was going to get them in trouble. Being that I have a light complexion, I figure I can get the marks from my whipping to stay on me until I got to school Monday. This way, I could show what I thought was child abuse to my teacher, and my parents would get in trouble. Not a good idea, not only did they not get in trouble but I got put on punishment. The moral of the story weigh your options before confessing the truth... (J/K always tell the truth ladies and gents)

Saturday, August 4, 2007

I don't have a title it's just random thoughts about my week

Hello all, this week went a little better I think. Let's see what all did I do...

I stayed at home alone for 2 nights which I actually enjoyed.
I spent $90.00 on six bags of grocery
I stayed with an older (80 something to be exact) family member and realized I want to get married and have kids
I question my creative abilities
I went to an AND 1 mix tape basketball game (yes I still like AND 1)
I realized a person will show you their many faces when put in the right situation
I realized I might not be as original as I thought
A married man asked me if I wanted to be his second wife...(CREEPY)
I went to church
I ate at Taco Burrito one of my favorite spots here
I received hair treatment advice from extremely ghetto people from the beauty supply house
I attempted to flat iron my hair with an off brand CHI
I ate alone at a restaurant outside on the patio
I didn't read my Sabbath School lesson
I still don't have a job, but the Lord has great timing.
I met some people but I am paranoid about hanging out with them...LOL (dumb huh?)
I went to a job interview and the cab driver gave me his number... (Weird)
I think I have OCD; I stood at the car making sure it was locked for 5 minutes... (Insane)
My cousin and I ate at a great Thai restaurant across the street
My guardian angel help me get things into perspective once again
I went to Jamba Juice in pj's and a shirt that says "try it you'll like it"...very BAD idea

Staying alone forces you to take a serious look at who you really are. I HATE THAT! To be honest with you, I have always been afraid to have alone time. I never really wanted to look inside and deal with my deeply rooted issues. I mean I can only keep myself occupied for so long until I have to be alone with my thoughts and the voices in my head (j/k there is only 2 voices I hear now). However I really don't think I am crazy. Believe it or not I am brilliant! So the question is WHO AM I? I don't know, but I think I am slowly learning the answer to that question. I definitely might not like all the answers but at least I know them. When I think back over the past I have to wonder if I have been true to myself, I believe the answer might be NO. What the hell does that even mean to be true to yourself?

Oh yeah I have another dog story. I was walking the other day to the beauty supply house (it’s a far cry from an Ulta store), and this guy was walking 2 huge rottweiler's. He stopped and threw their leashes over a fence, and walked into the street to chat with this dude. Mind you I have walked out of my decent neighborhood into the HOOD of Chicago. How do I know it’s the hood because everybody knows that DR.MLK Street is in the hood of every city nation wide, and I was walking on MLK street "the hood".I began to slow down because these dogs looked as though they were going to eat my legs off. The guy saw me slow down and of course he says the same thing all these fools here say "oh they won't bite" the hell they won't. They look like some dogs Michael Vick probably would fight with. I realized that there is no backyard downtown so all these dogs have like their own room possibly that is so crazy to me. Also why doesn't anyone think their dog will bite people? Crazy city people, so that's all for now folks I hope I didn't make you to bored. Goodnight!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

My inspirational music...enjoy




Enjoy

Party Time...

I decided since I am living in Chicago, I am not going to be lame and stay in the house all the time, I am going out.My cousin and his guy friends where invited to one of his girlfriends rooftop party.That sounds like fun ,great weather,free food, and free drinks. Side note: There are way too many DOGS in this city.It is driving me crazy. This dog tonite, in the building where the party was, looked like a dang coyote and the owner was like "oh he doesn't bite". I was thinking to myself the hell he doesn't! Ok I just thought about that because I was walking back to the house and saw some more dogs. What are they doing out this time of night?

Back to the party,only a few of you may know this, but I am very shy. Don't say I'm not, because I am; I just don't show it too often. So I dressed in jeans, shirt, heels; and my new handbag(that is so hot).My cousin and all his guys get here and we leave.The ride to the party was so funny! First of all, off all these men range in age from 33-37. Unlike the south the folk here aren't married, nor do the men have baby mommas all over the place. When I lived in Dallas I would say that I didn't want to date a man with kids and people would tell me I needed to lower my standards...lol.

So I am riding with these guys listening to them prep for this party.
When I say prep I mean they determine their odds of meeting women then which ones they might be able to smash(have sex with). Of course I asked if they were married or had kids, they acted as though I cursed them out. None of them are looking to get married at this point, reason being and I quote" there are to many beautiful ladies out here to be with just one"...wow! So they continue chatting among each other talking about guy stuff like I'm not even in the car.If women knew what men talked about when they weren't around...lol. We get to the party and all the ladies are in club style sun dresses (I know there is another name for them) of course I am thinking WTF! But hey I don't have a sun dress that will fit over these midgets I have on my chest anyway. I ate, got me a drink(Lord forgive me...remember I am still a work in progress) to calm my nerves in order for me to get the courage to talk to strangers. I met a few people then went on the balcony it was great. Do you know they have a firework show every Saturday nite, at the lake front? To make a long story short. I sit outside enjoying the breeze and listen to these guys tell an extremely funny story. I watched all these men sweat this one girl who actually ended up being married( but wasn't wearing a wedding ring). Basically I met no new friends and I finally made it home after dropping the clan off telling you all about my first night out in the Chi. Tomorrow I am going to try going biking along lake shore which I think will be pretty funny since I haven't done it in years. These people bike and roller blade on the main street with cars. They are crazy! Anyway good night folks stay tuned for more of" The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Oh, I forgot to mention something that was funny. Remember I am out here on a budget and I left alot of stuff in Dallas. I wore a pair of open toe shoes, but I haven't had my toenails manicured and one is chipped. You know me, thinking hey it's night time, no one will notice. NOT TRUE somebody did notice and they said something to me about it. I could do nothing but laugh because I knew better. I should have just worn pumps. Anyway my play cousin warned me of things like this. For real this time, Goodnite

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Ummmm...Just thinking late at night

The playlist above is HOT so listen as you read its sets the mood...Enjoy

Hey ya'll it's me Tia and Ms. Devereaux is my alter ego (HA), I decided to keep a blog as I embarked on my new journey in life. Many of you know I moved to Chicago, and today that thought finally set in for me. I was walking down the street after receiving the great news that I got accepted into school when I realized OMG! I moved to Chicago and I have no friends in this huge city (lol). Let me back up for a minute.You guys know me as the funny, crazy, sometimes very off-balanced Tia. But there is a very serious side to me. So about 4 months ago I was sitting at a temp job thinking "is this what my life is going to be like everyday"? I realized this is definitely not what I had planned when I graduated from high school. With reality setting in daily I decided I needed to go back to school. Especially since every stinking job I wanted they required a degree. Oh yeah I have been going to therapy for about 2months at this point ( another one of my secrets) side note: I encourage everyone to seek counseling its great!

Anyway he and I had been discussing me, my issues, my dreams, and so on. He gave me homework assignments which allowed me to dig inside and figure out what I really wanted in this life. I learned I am not a traditional person, I'm more of a free spirit some may call it ADD...lol. As we know I don't do well in alot of aspects that don't challenge my mind. (call center jobs) With these obvious issues I needed to make a change and I needed to do it fast. For a long time I did things because people I thought were smarter than me suggested I follow those paths. However that didn't work for me or I realized that it would just drive me crazy. School has been on my mind for quite a while, but what I wanted to do didn't agree with to many people. In all honesty part of me would like to just learn so I sound smart in a conversation...lol That came about when I was having a conversation with this older white guy and everything he was telling me I had no clue about. I didn't like that feeling. So my therapist and I would work through the things on my list every week. I finally decided hey its my life I am going to go to school for what I want. I forgot to mention I am a people pleaser which can send you in circles.(hence the reason I have been going in circles) I began to pray ( yes I pray) and ask God to help me figure out this thing called life and to lead me in the direction he wants me to go since I'd been following my own way which hasn't worked.(Eventually I will be able to follow God in all aspects of my life...remember I am a work in progress).

First, I thought what is it I have always enjoyed doing ( here comes another secret) I love to write( I have so many journals its scary) I have been writing since I was a kid on pink paper with those huge pencils and begging my mom to sit and read every word out loud to me so I could envision it as she read. Plus I ask alot of questions to everyone I meet. My therapist asked me one session when you are old and gray what do you want to be most remembered for. The first thing that came out of my mouth was" I would like to be remembered as an author who wrote books that changed peoples lives for the better" He looked at me and said" so why aren't you moving towards that goal"? Fast forward I know I love Chicago something in my head one day said look at Columbia. I google and saw the one in NY, I'm thinking no I am not going to NY. Then I thought oh yeah I think its one in Chicago. So I found it and call and harass the nice people at the school for everything I needed to know to get in school in Fall 2007. Now keep in mind I owe about $3600 between 2 schools I went too in the past, I don't have that money!. I prayed again ok Lord I am just going to ride this out and see what happens. After learning about their journalism and fiction writing program I realize I love this school and everything it has to offer I want to go here. But when reality set in I knew I couldn't go because I didn't have the money to do the basics which is was to get my transcripts, I could lie and start all over again but I try to do what is right as much as possible except when I am cursing people out(work in progress).

Of course I prayed again ok Lord do I really need to be trying to go to Chicago again. About a week later my cousin call and tell me" hey you can have a spot in Chicago if you still want to go to school here" so I'm like ok cool. Then I'm thinking Lord why would you give me some place to stay and no school to go to. You have to wonder if God is ever thinking " would you just shut up and wait" or if he ever thinks " don't ask me that again I heard you in your last pray"...lol Thank God he doesn't.Then I talk to the people who I think might can help me here is my situation, I want to go to school I owe $X amount to each school. They say nope we can't help. Praying again Lord this is not working and I talk to my guardian angel she tells me trust the Lord. I call some more people they say we will help but with this amount. Mind you that amount was $450.00 less than what the people said the would accept. I pray and call them back I let them know " hey I have $X amount to pay right now. To my surprise they say we will take that but it has to be here in 2days... what the hell! Here we go again every time something seems to look up for me a wall comes up. I can't pressure these people to pay money in 2days. So you know me I'm thinking hey a closed mouth don't get feed like grandma say" all they can say is no" (I don't do well with rejection though). Hallelujah! They said they will send it by the due date!! Then my guardian angel steps in and says she will help me handle my other stuff. At this point all funds are GONE(no pay check or unemployment).

Everything is submitted to the school now we wait. Well I need to get a job and go to Chicago but the SENSIBLE personality in my head says "you are just going to move and haven't gotten into school yet or a job secured that's dumb". The ERRATIC personality says "hey just do it". So I pray and say Lord if you don't want me to go show me. Well I had my bowling party and I left Dallas. This week was very challenging for me because SENSIBLE personality begin to take over saying" what are you doing here" I begin to panic. So I prayed read my BIBLE and said ok Lord you brought me this far what now. The other challenge is that I am living alone for the FIRST time in my LIFE , and to increase my fear I am on the first floor with large windows all around the front of the condo. Needless to say the first few nights I have stayed up till the sun came up and went peacefully to sleep... I know insane!

See I am still working on trusting God in all aspects of my life. So finally today I get up people say you have to see your dream before you achieve it. I took that literal and went to the school, yes I got lost again. Once I found the building I begin to see myself in the classes so I started to encourage myself( Donald Lawrence). I remember the words of my guardian angel(CVW) to trust the Lord. At this point I see myself going to this school at least in my head...lol. I walked to the Admission building and the guy knew my voice since I call everyday for my status. He looked at the computer and tells me you have been ADMITTED in school! WHAAAAATTTTT don't play with me dude I can't take this right now. He turns the computer and showed me the screen and there it was I am accepted into school...the Lord has shown himself once again. For those of you who read this long blog understand that this entire journey has been a faith walk. I am saying this to say no matter what is going on in your life Trust the Lord... I am going to let ya'll go before I start preaching since I have my church music playing over here...lol Seriously though, I am happy to have gotten to this point. Don't let me get started on the journey before I got to this point at The Healing Home( you know who you are). Keep me in your prayers I hope this encourages someone to walk out on faith. I am a work in progress. Goodnite.