Sunday, July 29, 2007

My inspirational music...enjoy




Enjoy

Party Time...

I decided since I am living in Chicago, I am not going to be lame and stay in the house all the time, I am going out.My cousin and his guy friends where invited to one of his girlfriends rooftop party.That sounds like fun ,great weather,free food, and free drinks. Side note: There are way too many DOGS in this city.It is driving me crazy. This dog tonite, in the building where the party was, looked like a dang coyote and the owner was like "oh he doesn't bite". I was thinking to myself the hell he doesn't! Ok I just thought about that because I was walking back to the house and saw some more dogs. What are they doing out this time of night?

Back to the party,only a few of you may know this, but I am very shy. Don't say I'm not, because I am; I just don't show it too often. So I dressed in jeans, shirt, heels; and my new handbag(that is so hot).My cousin and all his guys get here and we leave.The ride to the party was so funny! First of all, off all these men range in age from 33-37. Unlike the south the folk here aren't married, nor do the men have baby mommas all over the place. When I lived in Dallas I would say that I didn't want to date a man with kids and people would tell me I needed to lower my standards...lol.

So I am riding with these guys listening to them prep for this party.
When I say prep I mean they determine their odds of meeting women then which ones they might be able to smash(have sex with). Of course I asked if they were married or had kids, they acted as though I cursed them out. None of them are looking to get married at this point, reason being and I quote" there are to many beautiful ladies out here to be with just one"...wow! So they continue chatting among each other talking about guy stuff like I'm not even in the car.If women knew what men talked about when they weren't around...lol. We get to the party and all the ladies are in club style sun dresses (I know there is another name for them) of course I am thinking WTF! But hey I don't have a sun dress that will fit over these midgets I have on my chest anyway. I ate, got me a drink(Lord forgive me...remember I am still a work in progress) to calm my nerves in order for me to get the courage to talk to strangers. I met a few people then went on the balcony it was great. Do you know they have a firework show every Saturday nite, at the lake front? To make a long story short. I sit outside enjoying the breeze and listen to these guys tell an extremely funny story. I watched all these men sweat this one girl who actually ended up being married( but wasn't wearing a wedding ring). Basically I met no new friends and I finally made it home after dropping the clan off telling you all about my first night out in the Chi. Tomorrow I am going to try going biking along lake shore which I think will be pretty funny since I haven't done it in years. These people bike and roller blade on the main street with cars. They are crazy! Anyway good night folks stay tuned for more of" The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Oh, I forgot to mention something that was funny. Remember I am out here on a budget and I left alot of stuff in Dallas. I wore a pair of open toe shoes, but I haven't had my toenails manicured and one is chipped. You know me, thinking hey it's night time, no one will notice. NOT TRUE somebody did notice and they said something to me about it. I could do nothing but laugh because I knew better. I should have just worn pumps. Anyway my play cousin warned me of things like this. For real this time, Goodnite

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Ummmm...Just thinking late at night

The playlist above is HOT so listen as you read its sets the mood...Enjoy

Hey ya'll it's me Tia and Ms. Devereaux is my alter ego (HA), I decided to keep a blog as I embarked on my new journey in life. Many of you know I moved to Chicago, and today that thought finally set in for me. I was walking down the street after receiving the great news that I got accepted into school when I realized OMG! I moved to Chicago and I have no friends in this huge city (lol). Let me back up for a minute.You guys know me as the funny, crazy, sometimes very off-balanced Tia. But there is a very serious side to me. So about 4 months ago I was sitting at a temp job thinking "is this what my life is going to be like everyday"? I realized this is definitely not what I had planned when I graduated from high school. With reality setting in daily I decided I needed to go back to school. Especially since every stinking job I wanted they required a degree. Oh yeah I have been going to therapy for about 2months at this point ( another one of my secrets) side note: I encourage everyone to seek counseling its great!

Anyway he and I had been discussing me, my issues, my dreams, and so on. He gave me homework assignments which allowed me to dig inside and figure out what I really wanted in this life. I learned I am not a traditional person, I'm more of a free spirit some may call it ADD...lol. As we know I don't do well in alot of aspects that don't challenge my mind. (call center jobs) With these obvious issues I needed to make a change and I needed to do it fast. For a long time I did things because people I thought were smarter than me suggested I follow those paths. However that didn't work for me or I realized that it would just drive me crazy. School has been on my mind for quite a while, but what I wanted to do didn't agree with to many people. In all honesty part of me would like to just learn so I sound smart in a conversation...lol That came about when I was having a conversation with this older white guy and everything he was telling me I had no clue about. I didn't like that feeling. So my therapist and I would work through the things on my list every week. I finally decided hey its my life I am going to go to school for what I want. I forgot to mention I am a people pleaser which can send you in circles.(hence the reason I have been going in circles) I began to pray ( yes I pray) and ask God to help me figure out this thing called life and to lead me in the direction he wants me to go since I'd been following my own way which hasn't worked.(Eventually I will be able to follow God in all aspects of my life...remember I am a work in progress).

First, I thought what is it I have always enjoyed doing ( here comes another secret) I love to write( I have so many journals its scary) I have been writing since I was a kid on pink paper with those huge pencils and begging my mom to sit and read every word out loud to me so I could envision it as she read. Plus I ask alot of questions to everyone I meet. My therapist asked me one session when you are old and gray what do you want to be most remembered for. The first thing that came out of my mouth was" I would like to be remembered as an author who wrote books that changed peoples lives for the better" He looked at me and said" so why aren't you moving towards that goal"? Fast forward I know I love Chicago something in my head one day said look at Columbia. I google and saw the one in NY, I'm thinking no I am not going to NY. Then I thought oh yeah I think its one in Chicago. So I found it and call and harass the nice people at the school for everything I needed to know to get in school in Fall 2007. Now keep in mind I owe about $3600 between 2 schools I went too in the past, I don't have that money!. I prayed again ok Lord I am just going to ride this out and see what happens. After learning about their journalism and fiction writing program I realize I love this school and everything it has to offer I want to go here. But when reality set in I knew I couldn't go because I didn't have the money to do the basics which is was to get my transcripts, I could lie and start all over again but I try to do what is right as much as possible except when I am cursing people out(work in progress).

Of course I prayed again ok Lord do I really need to be trying to go to Chicago again. About a week later my cousin call and tell me" hey you can have a spot in Chicago if you still want to go to school here" so I'm like ok cool. Then I'm thinking Lord why would you give me some place to stay and no school to go to. You have to wonder if God is ever thinking " would you just shut up and wait" or if he ever thinks " don't ask me that again I heard you in your last pray"...lol Thank God he doesn't.Then I talk to the people who I think might can help me here is my situation, I want to go to school I owe $X amount to each school. They say nope we can't help. Praying again Lord this is not working and I talk to my guardian angel she tells me trust the Lord. I call some more people they say we will help but with this amount. Mind you that amount was $450.00 less than what the people said the would accept. I pray and call them back I let them know " hey I have $X amount to pay right now. To my surprise they say we will take that but it has to be here in 2days... what the hell! Here we go again every time something seems to look up for me a wall comes up. I can't pressure these people to pay money in 2days. So you know me I'm thinking hey a closed mouth don't get feed like grandma say" all they can say is no" (I don't do well with rejection though). Hallelujah! They said they will send it by the due date!! Then my guardian angel steps in and says she will help me handle my other stuff. At this point all funds are GONE(no pay check or unemployment).

Everything is submitted to the school now we wait. Well I need to get a job and go to Chicago but the SENSIBLE personality in my head says "you are just going to move and haven't gotten into school yet or a job secured that's dumb". The ERRATIC personality says "hey just do it". So I pray and say Lord if you don't want me to go show me. Well I had my bowling party and I left Dallas. This week was very challenging for me because SENSIBLE personality begin to take over saying" what are you doing here" I begin to panic. So I prayed read my BIBLE and said ok Lord you brought me this far what now. The other challenge is that I am living alone for the FIRST time in my LIFE , and to increase my fear I am on the first floor with large windows all around the front of the condo. Needless to say the first few nights I have stayed up till the sun came up and went peacefully to sleep... I know insane!

See I am still working on trusting God in all aspects of my life. So finally today I get up people say you have to see your dream before you achieve it. I took that literal and went to the school, yes I got lost again. Once I found the building I begin to see myself in the classes so I started to encourage myself( Donald Lawrence). I remember the words of my guardian angel(CVW) to trust the Lord. At this point I see myself going to this school at least in my head...lol. I walked to the Admission building and the guy knew my voice since I call everyday for my status. He looked at the computer and tells me you have been ADMITTED in school! WHAAAAATTTTT don't play with me dude I can't take this right now. He turns the computer and showed me the screen and there it was I am accepted into school...the Lord has shown himself once again. For those of you who read this long blog understand that this entire journey has been a faith walk. I am saying this to say no matter what is going on in your life Trust the Lord... I am going to let ya'll go before I start preaching since I have my church music playing over here...lol Seriously though, I am happy to have gotten to this point. Don't let me get started on the journey before I got to this point at The Healing Home( you know who you are). Keep me in your prayers I hope this encourages someone to walk out on faith. I am a work in progress. Goodnite.