Saturday, July 28, 2007

Ummmm...Just thinking late at night

The playlist above is HOT so listen as you read its sets the mood...Enjoy

Hey ya'll it's me Tia and Ms. Devereaux is my alter ego (HA), I decided to keep a blog as I embarked on my new journey in life. Many of you know I moved to Chicago, and today that thought finally set in for me. I was walking down the street after receiving the great news that I got accepted into school when I realized OMG! I moved to Chicago and I have no friends in this huge city (lol). Let me back up for a minute.You guys know me as the funny, crazy, sometimes very off-balanced Tia. But there is a very serious side to me. So about 4 months ago I was sitting at a temp job thinking "is this what my life is going to be like everyday"? I realized this is definitely not what I had planned when I graduated from high school. With reality setting in daily I decided I needed to go back to school. Especially since every stinking job I wanted they required a degree. Oh yeah I have been going to therapy for about 2months at this point ( another one of my secrets) side note: I encourage everyone to seek counseling its great!

Anyway he and I had been discussing me, my issues, my dreams, and so on. He gave me homework assignments which allowed me to dig inside and figure out what I really wanted in this life. I learned I am not a traditional person, I'm more of a free spirit some may call it ADD...lol. As we know I don't do well in alot of aspects that don't challenge my mind. (call center jobs) With these obvious issues I needed to make a change and I needed to do it fast. For a long time I did things because people I thought were smarter than me suggested I follow those paths. However that didn't work for me or I realized that it would just drive me crazy. School has been on my mind for quite a while, but what I wanted to do didn't agree with to many people. In all honesty part of me would like to just learn so I sound smart in a conversation...lol That came about when I was having a conversation with this older white guy and everything he was telling me I had no clue about. I didn't like that feeling. So my therapist and I would work through the things on my list every week. I finally decided hey its my life I am going to go to school for what I want. I forgot to mention I am a people pleaser which can send you in circles.(hence the reason I have been going in circles) I began to pray ( yes I pray) and ask God to help me figure out this thing called life and to lead me in the direction he wants me to go since I'd been following my own way which hasn't worked.(Eventually I will be able to follow God in all aspects of my life...remember I am a work in progress).

First, I thought what is it I have always enjoyed doing ( here comes another secret) I love to write( I have so many journals its scary) I have been writing since I was a kid on pink paper with those huge pencils and begging my mom to sit and read every word out loud to me so I could envision it as she read. Plus I ask alot of questions to everyone I meet. My therapist asked me one session when you are old and gray what do you want to be most remembered for. The first thing that came out of my mouth was" I would like to be remembered as an author who wrote books that changed peoples lives for the better" He looked at me and said" so why aren't you moving towards that goal"? Fast forward I know I love Chicago something in my head one day said look at Columbia. I google and saw the one in NY, I'm thinking no I am not going to NY. Then I thought oh yeah I think its one in Chicago. So I found it and call and harass the nice people at the school for everything I needed to know to get in school in Fall 2007. Now keep in mind I owe about $3600 between 2 schools I went too in the past, I don't have that money!. I prayed again ok Lord I am just going to ride this out and see what happens. After learning about their journalism and fiction writing program I realize I love this school and everything it has to offer I want to go here. But when reality set in I knew I couldn't go because I didn't have the money to do the basics which is was to get my transcripts, I could lie and start all over again but I try to do what is right as much as possible except when I am cursing people out(work in progress).

Of course I prayed again ok Lord do I really need to be trying to go to Chicago again. About a week later my cousin call and tell me" hey you can have a spot in Chicago if you still want to go to school here" so I'm like ok cool. Then I'm thinking Lord why would you give me some place to stay and no school to go to. You have to wonder if God is ever thinking " would you just shut up and wait" or if he ever thinks " don't ask me that again I heard you in your last pray"...lol Thank God he doesn't.Then I talk to the people who I think might can help me here is my situation, I want to go to school I owe $X amount to each school. They say nope we can't help. Praying again Lord this is not working and I talk to my guardian angel she tells me trust the Lord. I call some more people they say we will help but with this amount. Mind you that amount was $450.00 less than what the people said the would accept. I pray and call them back I let them know " hey I have $X amount to pay right now. To my surprise they say we will take that but it has to be here in 2days... what the hell! Here we go again every time something seems to look up for me a wall comes up. I can't pressure these people to pay money in 2days. So you know me I'm thinking hey a closed mouth don't get feed like grandma say" all they can say is no" (I don't do well with rejection though). Hallelujah! They said they will send it by the due date!! Then my guardian angel steps in and says she will help me handle my other stuff. At this point all funds are GONE(no pay check or unemployment).

Everything is submitted to the school now we wait. Well I need to get a job and go to Chicago but the SENSIBLE personality in my head says "you are just going to move and haven't gotten into school yet or a job secured that's dumb". The ERRATIC personality says "hey just do it". So I pray and say Lord if you don't want me to go show me. Well I had my bowling party and I left Dallas. This week was very challenging for me because SENSIBLE personality begin to take over saying" what are you doing here" I begin to panic. So I prayed read my BIBLE and said ok Lord you brought me this far what now. The other challenge is that I am living alone for the FIRST time in my LIFE , and to increase my fear I am on the first floor with large windows all around the front of the condo. Needless to say the first few nights I have stayed up till the sun came up and went peacefully to sleep... I know insane!

See I am still working on trusting God in all aspects of my life. So finally today I get up people say you have to see your dream before you achieve it. I took that literal and went to the school, yes I got lost again. Once I found the building I begin to see myself in the classes so I started to encourage myself( Donald Lawrence). I remember the words of my guardian angel(CVW) to trust the Lord. At this point I see myself going to this school at least in my head...lol. I walked to the Admission building and the guy knew my voice since I call everyday for my status. He looked at the computer and tells me you have been ADMITTED in school! WHAAAAATTTTT don't play with me dude I can't take this right now. He turns the computer and showed me the screen and there it was I am accepted into school...the Lord has shown himself once again. For those of you who read this long blog understand that this entire journey has been a faith walk. I am saying this to say no matter what is going on in your life Trust the Lord... I am going to let ya'll go before I start preaching since I have my church music playing over here...lol Seriously though, I am happy to have gotten to this point. Don't let me get started on the journey before I got to this point at The Healing Home( you know who you are). Keep me in your prayers I hope this encourages someone to walk out on faith. I am a work in progress. Goodnite.

8 comments:

ErynMyisha said...

girl don't you ever, ever, EVER post a blog this damn long again!!! it took me three re-reads to get it all. you type EXACTLY how you talk, lol, so funny! but seriously, SISTER ADD, i'm glad that you are allowing this next chapter in your life to be a faith walk. yes, they can be scary and you may not be able to see what God is setting you up for, just trust in His Word and walk on the path He puts in front of you.

andrea said...

tia.... u know me don't have much to say but it sounding good.. do what u gotta do cuz!

Kenni said...

WOW....Well, all i can say is congratulations...I feel like a proud parent. I'm so happy that you have decided to step out on faith and make this new journey. I hope that you really stay firm with this decision.( we've talked about that before). I never worried about you that much, but now I will. I'll definately be keeping in touch with you more now. Be good out there, and stay strong.
Love,
Kenni

Anonymous said...

Quit thinking late at night, 'cause that don't go with your trying to type and spell and stuff....LOL...Daytime writing might work better for you....

you know who from the HOH....

*~Kniki~* said...

Hey Tia,

Hope this finds you in good health and spirits....I am so happy that you have started to follow your dreams. Nothing is possible with out faith. And reading this as inspired me to go to school. Don't know why I am so scared...I feel like I am too old. Make sure that you have some groceries when I come visit....missing you still!
KEEP THE FAITH!

Avis said...

I like your new blog and i look forward in reading your new life journey adventures.Congrats on making the moves to your success in life.God bless

Tiffany B said...

Girl I had no idea you had moved to Chicago and are now about to go to school. That is so wonderful!! You have always been such a wonderful person it is horrible we don't talk more often just to keep in touch but I guess...well I just read your blogs and you are so silly. I am glad you have decided to take such a leap of faith and the Lord has worked your path out for you. Leep it up girl you give me inspiration. Always Tiff B

KnitFloozy said...

Tia I am soooo proud of you!!!!! You know we have the same guardian angel gurl!!! Keep trusting the Lord and sing Encourage Youself Daily!!!!