Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Confessions of An Addict... Pt.1

You cannot walk with GOD and hold hands with the Devil.

An addiction is a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity.

Can you imagine having an addiction and no matter how bad you want to change your habit it seems impossible? I have a SECRET... I am addict and my drug of choice I won't mention, but I am going to rehab. Today while walking to work I came to this realization. I think we all have addiction whether we admit it or not. Your addiction can be things such as drugs, food, sex, pain, men, women, gambling, shopping, pornography, computers (internet), work, exercise, religion etc. Thinking about my own addiction I begin to feel bad for individuals who are addicted to drugs. I mean, what a hellish life to live when you know you should change but in your mind it seems impossible. I would love to wake up in the morning and be over my addiction, but that is not the way it works instead I keep doing the same thing every single day not being able to control myself. Now I realize I have an addiction I understand how people lose everything because of the money they spend. I don't necessary spend money; however it does cost me alot of time that I can never get back.

Here is what I don't understand, how do you know if you will become an addict to something, and is it an addiction or OCD? What are the signs to recognize if you have addictive behavior? When does the pattern of behavior become an addiction? Is the real problem that addicts don't have self control? I don't know the answers to these questions, maybe ya'll do. What I do know is that I think I might understand what it is like to be a drug addict and I feel bad for them.

I know when ya'll read this most of ya'll are going to be like huh? What is she talking about? I am not addicted to an ILLEGAL DRUG just to clear that up but I do have an addiction. I would like to hear what some of ya’ll have to say about this blog.

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"


Anonymous said...

First of all, I think it's more important to know that we have the propensity toward some type of addiction. Once we realize this, what I perceive to be fact (and hopefully it's early on in life), then we take the next step of watching those who are part of the family tree and the things that they do. From here, we can quite possibly glean at least a snippet of what may be a part of our DNA. Lastly, we move on (away from hopefully)what we see or what we learn from watching others and fight to keep it together. Would say a lot more, but not enough time. Just thought this little bit of "for what I think" might be a good starting place on your journey.

Signed -

ErynMyisha said...

hmm, well OCD is a type of addiction in itself. so just because a person has an addiction doesn't mean it's OCD.

but i think a habit becomes an addiction when it starts to affect your personal and professional life to include but not limited to your finances, your social life, etc. and you're right, an addiction doesn't necessarily have to cost money. but at least you took the biggest step admitting you have an addiction.

self control has something to do with it. it's like walking in a swimming pool shallow end and you can't swim. by the time you get to 5 feet, you're on the border, then *swoosh* you're underwater and panicking before you know it because you tested the water little by little until you went too far.

either way, i hope that you start to overcome your addiction. maybe starting over in chicago would be a good reason to do it instead of leaning on it for comfort. ya dig?

Anonymous said...

The first step is to admit that you have an addiction,just set up in your mind this addiction is not going to take over me. SELF-CONTROL IS THE KEY. BE STRONG

ErynMyisha said...

girl! i heard a POWERFUL sermon yesterday that had me sooo convicted that i barely even clapped. i left church feeling like -ish but that's how you are supposed to feel when the Lord calls you out on your issues.

anyway girl, i thought about you and this post. read the beatitudes (matthew 5:3-11) but pay attention to verse 5..."blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted."

dr. evans broke it down to me sunday. if you cannot mourn your sin, there can be no comfort. we are not supposed to feel good about our sin if Jesus is truly in us. we are supposed to feel convicted. and your post is your public display of conviction. conviction is a Good thing b/c that means that your flesh is at war with Jesus and it's up to you to let Him get the upper hand.

When i say "you" i mean "we".

he was saying that the more we sin, the less bad we feel about it. it starts about being such a bad thing, but the more we do it, the more we convince ourselves that it's "not that bad".

this beatitude also applied to the prodigal son. when he was out there living is wild life, he began to mourn at the fact he known he "effed" up. and it was when he mourned, that he went home and was comforted by his father. but had he never mourned, he'd still be out there cutting up.

but we can allow our sin to harden our heart. when it hardens we are less likely to mourn and less likely to give up our addiction. we start to feed the addiction instead of the Lord and then we will feel like we are swimming upstream.

but this sermon was awesome and had me crying girl, b/c my heart was hardening to things going on with me, but i thought about this post and thought i'd share.