Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Man + Woman = Friends ?

This is an age old subject that has been talked about for years. Now I need to come to some type of conclusion because I am confused.

What is the definition of friends when it pertains to male and female? Can women and men have platonic friendships? If so how?

There seems to be only three levels to dating; friends, dating, and a relationship. But what is the difference in friends, friends with benefits, and dating?

When a man and a woman are friends do they have the same rules as two women or two men being friends?

If you are indeed just friends how do keep a platonic friendship? Are there any rules?

Why does a woman need a man friend?

How many men know when she says you’re “friends” that you really want more than a friendship?

Why does a man want a woman friend, especially if you have female relatives (sister, cousins)?

If you are in a relationship why do you need a friend of the opposite sex?

I just want to crack the code, often times in dating or just everyday life we refer to the opposite sex as “friends” but what do we really mean? I believe if you can’t do the same things you do with your friends of the same sex as with opposite sex then you are not friends. In the dating game it can get confusing when being told we are “friends”.

Example: Let’s say Craig and you are “friends”, you all are cool, hang out, laugh, and talk about your issues and everything else “friends” do. But one day you all hang out to late and spend the night (as you would with one of your girlfriends) over his house. That night Craig begins to take things to another level, confusion arises because Craig said we are “friends”. If you don’t kiss, touch, cuddle, rub, nor are you intimate with your same sex friends, why are you trying to take it to that level? Well I am glad you ask….

Men and women aren’t “friends” that is just a bullish title in order not to put any pressure on either parties and in the event something does happen one person can always say its nothing we're just “friends”. Now you are sitting there with your face broke because you really never knew what it meant to be just “friends”. At the end of the day it seems to me we are seeking something from the opposite sex that our girlfriend or guy friends aren’t giving us. I know so many of you are going to say “I have plenty “friends” who I haven’t been intimate with nor am I interested in them”. That may be the case but are you really friends.

I could definitely be wrong about this whole “friend” concept, so I need you as my faithful readers to tell me what it means to be friends with the opposite sex and how do you keep it on a friend level?

Until next time “On the Journey of Ms. Devereaux”


misbhavntwin said...

Friends huh? Lets see if I can put a little ointment of that code you just cracked. People now a day don't know what the word "friend" means. You know why? Because here is a good example(definitions) straight from

friend /frɛnd/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[frend] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. (initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

See how many kinds of friends you can have? If you are a friend of the dictionary one would gather that the more appropriate question would be what type of friend are we? Or how far are we willing to let our friendship go. Are we plutonic; going out to the club to hangout "friends"? Are we every now and then lets get together in the midnight hour and make the paint on the walls sweat "friends"? Or are we the come get me in the middle of the night because me and my husband/wife had a fight and I need to cool down friend?

So long story short. lol We need to examine each individual that comes into our life wanting to be our friend. Talk out loud about all the expectations that you have or will have. When feelings change an honest person will sit down at the table and communicate. So yes people can be friend of the opposite sex. Just got to read between the lines.

Anonymous said...

Good question...I believe women have male friends because they crave male companionship. Whether it is the familiarity having grown up with brothers (tomboys) and/or desire for essence of masculinity (i.e. attention, scent,touch, inner strength)present without having the immediate pressures of intimacy/commitment, who knows.
Which every the initially motive, at a certain age it usually it boils down to the desire for essence of man/masculinity.

There are a few exception, but usually even those lines can be crossed or at least attempted. Hence the following. Unless a male/female has grown up with a male since grade school, considered him as family "cous", or she/he is homosexual, then there is always a possiblity for this "friendship to progress". I believe the female unfortunately may subconsiously believe or lie to herself about her "male friend". But if she digs deep...she will see the carnal, inborn, self serving motive behind her want of a "male friend".

On the otherhand, males don't seem to be as disillusioned. Guys, unless they are homosexual, crave the "essense of a woman", ultimately for sexual intimacy. They will do whatever it takes to be in company of it, whether girlfriend or "girl's friend". They are aware that with the right timing, patience any guy has a shot at any female. Hence the reason guys don't mind being girl's "friends". They don't mind being the shoulder to cry on initially...patience and proximity. Don't get me wrong they don't only want sex...they enjoy being pampered and loved. As far as "girl friends", other than sisters/cousins....not needed. Boys don't need/want girls to hang out with. That is what their boys are for! Women don't get mad, get realistic. Platonic initially but...with time. Admit it, we love/desire the "essence of a man".


Anonymous said...

A man and a woman cannot be close friends like that unless there is absolutely no attraction to each other. Sure they'll say stuff like, "He's like my brother" or "She's like my sister", but unless they REALLY feel that way and not just saying that, a close friendship will not work.

dat dude said...

Males never see females as 'friends' UNLESS the female is unattractive. Other than that, she is simply 'on the menu' for a later time -- throughout the ENTIRE 'friendship'.

Only uninformed females (no close male mentors/guides) believe this 'friend' line rubbish.

Quick test (for women): Late one night, lay down in bed next to your male friend. Then, you push it to a FIRE level of kissing/fondling/stroking, whatever. Then, watch and see if your 'male friend' resists -- for the sake of the friendship. LOL!

Warning: This test has been known to leave the woman with permanent psychological (and often physical) scars.

ErynMyisha said...

yes we can be friends, but understandably, there will probably be a point where someone will catch feelings. i've been in that situation on both ends. the feelings were brought up, politely declined, and thankfully the friendships continued. so it's possible, but highly unlikely that time will pass without feelings being caught at one time or another.

beanchild said...

i agree with what ErynMyisha said.
it's possible to be friends (a guy with a girl), but both parties have to want the friendship to continue inspite of whatever small moments of silly-ness arise.
i have a couple opposite sex friends, and we are close, but we have certain rules that we do not go against. i think this implicit agreement has kept our friendship intact over the years for sure.

The Love Grinch said...

"Friends, how many of us have them?" If you remember this classic rap line (Whodini), then you should know the answer.

It is possible for male and female to live together in peace and harmony. However, there have to be boundaries. You can joke around, say the same crap as you would with your same sex friends. At the same time, you may want to watch the conversations you indulge in.

You know how behind every joke there is a little bit of truth? I'm convienced that every comedian is racist. I don't care what they say. Just watch for the conversation topics. If it is always leading to sex, then you can pretty much guess what is on your "friend's" mind. I'm not saying not to talk about it, or if they do they automatically want it from you! Not at all, it is a natural thing, and we've all done it. However, if a "friend" of mine calls me up and majority of the time wants to talk about sex; well you can associate that with classical behaviour.

Another thing, get to know these people. You know if your friend is sensetive, volitale, crazy, whatever, and you should know their boundries. A lot of them you'll have to keep at arms length, because more of your friends of the opposite sex are suspect. They are probably just waiting until the time is right, or it will take something to spark that interest.

Men and women are wired to desire each other's company. This dates back to the beginning of time... or at least the bible. Shucks things didn't go wrong until Eve strayed away from Adam. We see what happened after that.

So yes, men and women can be friends, crazy I know, but possible. We just have to be honest with ourselves and one another; because a lot of us do not even know what it means to be a friend.

Anonymous said...

You have asked a great question! I really found this blog interesting because this whole male'female "friends" issue has come up all too often recently in my own personal life. I have tried to convince myself over and over that it is indeed possible to have a completely platonic relaitonship with a male, but as one of my guy "friends" has said it, at one point or another ONE either the man of the woman are going to be wanting more than just "friendship". I'm starting to think that he's right. But you have brought up some good points/questions that are helping me to try to figure this whole "friends" thing out

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