Friday, March 7, 2008

Survivors Rules…

Let it be heard and known that I don’t play games and honestly I don’t really get the whole ‘GAME’ when comes to dating. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Clearly men find it difficult to believe a woman when she says that. I have been advised that it’s all a game until you are married. This presents a problem for me because I try to be as straight forward and direct as possible. There have been some recent weird changes in my so-called ‘dating’ life and I have decided to see if my readers can give me some help on what are the official ‘survivors rules’ of the ‘dating game'. I’m going to give you all some scenarios and I need your help.


1. If you text someone with concern (simply meaning “I’m just trying to see if you are alive and that everything is ok with you”) and they refuse to respond… what does that mean?
2. If someone ‘ignores you’ (voicemail, text, email) for more than three days after you had an ongoing friendship with them for over six months… what does that meant?
3. If someone asks you to be ‘honest with them’, and you do, and then they get upset… What do you do? Do people really want the truth?
4. Today, do most male and female want the relationship become sexual?
5. Men do you really like to chase?
6. Today, do most male and female expect the relationship to become sexual?
7. Does a relationship initially started in a nightclub realistically have a future?
8. If someone came up to you and truthfully stated “Hi, I think you are attractive and would like get intimate with you”… would you be offended, OR, would respect them for being honest? Does this person have a chance?
9. How can you tell if someone is starting to get too ‘attached’?
10. What is your #1 pet peeve when dating?

I hear so many stories about dating because everyone has been in the ‘dating game’ at some point of their lives. However people always find themselves saying “I just don’t understand why this happened?” I think if we had some official ‘dating game ‘rules that everyone used as a guide, maybe this dating thing could go a little smoother. Please let me know what you think because people are getting hurt out here.

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms. Devereaux”


Karen Davis said...

Tia-I share your "pain". I am a woman who loves and respects her man. I find joy in taking care of him and would do anything for him. However, I, too, say what I mean and mean what I say. I am direct but loving in my approach. If the man communicates he is "restless" with my approach I ask him what can I do to make him more comfortable etc.
Prior to entering a relationship with anyone, I communicate what it is I need/want. There aren't any surprises in dealing with me (knowing what I want that is...otherwise:-). I believe people believe they CAN do something because most don't think past the first 5 minutes. Men are typically captivated by a woman's beauty and sensuality. He believes he can build on that. Not enough.

One man who I really cared for told me I was "intoxicating" etc. He seemed to have a handle on "what he wanted". I gave to this man; cooked, cleaned and loved him. Amazing how intoxicating I was when he began having personal issues, my intoxication went to AA and he hasn't fallen off the wagon yet! He claimed he needed to focus! On what?!

1.With cyper technology, one never knows if the text actually went through...maybe it isn't a question "refuse" to respond but maybe wasn't aware. Also, with text messaging/emailing words can and will be taken out of context. Maybe that individual, for whatever reason, found the verbage used offensive...
2.I subscribe to the phrase..."it ain't about you"...If we were close, I would believe what I know of this person to be true thus far. I would back off momentarily and then periodically check in...I would give it awhile prior to my believing it was personal.
3.Overall, I don't believe people want the truth as you see it. However, if you ask me then I will tell you as lovingly as I can...I am not here to "bottle-feed" you...I owe you one honesty. I tell me people..."don't ask me if you don't want to hear what I think".
4.I don't believe so...I have several male friends were the relationship is strictly platonic.
6.Refer to above...
7.Why do people go to clubs in the first place? To meet people! So why do people have the mentality that someone they meet in a club won't be anything but a sexual relationship...I have never understood that concept/philosophy.
8.I would respect this person for their honesty. And no he would not have a chance...I am not looking for a strictly sexual relationship. I would definitely be friends...I know he is confident in who he is...
9.What does that mean?
10. Number One pet-peeve!!! Immaturity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


dat dude said...

1. It means they are not THAT in to you. And/or, it means they do not have enough class to tell you such. And/or, they no longer respect you.

2. See #1

3. (a) Call them on their b.s. reaction, and tell them you will NEVER tell them the truth again.
(b) Some people want the truth.

4. Males (YES); Females (they usually regret if it does)

5. Some do; some don't. I don't; I won't.

6. Males (NO, but they hope so); Females (they don't know)

7. YES

8. (a) I would respect them.
(b) YES, they have a chance.

9. If they consistently engage you WAY MORE than you engage them.

10. Wasting time and money. "Can I 'hit it' or not? Stop wasting my time and money." (never STATED, but always thought)

Anonymous said...

I agree with "dat dude". However,I am curious about response to Q#5.

AQ#5. The alternative is, do men prefer or expect to be pursued or do they just detest women playing too hard to get?
Unfortunately, in the North it seems more men want to be the chased like girls in a school yard instead of exerting their masculinity and making the first move. Is it insecurity or have men been spoiled by certain women?

Dating is a "game" for some and a "pain" for others.

The concept of "game" automatically denotes need for a 'winner' and 'loser'. It is preferential to think of dating as getting to know people; initiating new relationship whether platonic, future business/networks, or potential life partners. Hopefully no one has to lose.

Men wasting their time and money...
Sometimes I wonder if it might be benefitial to legalize the "Ahab profession", for both sexes. Maybe less people would be hurt and/or disillusioned. Men could allocate/budget funds accordingly. They might date for real companionship vs immediate release/gratification...hummm! Hence, it become dating not a just a game...

Mr.Slish said...

I'm still scratching my head about the dating game..Thats why i settled

A piece of advice. A person will show you who they are right away If you chose to ignore it then that's on you...But the signs of inconstistency are always there...

date dude said...

(Response from Dat Dude) Dear Ms.Anonymous,

The idea of 'chasing' is ridiculous. I will NOT chase a female, NOR would I expect a female to chase me.

REASON: If you like me, and I like you, let's just get started getting to know each other.

If a female likes me, it would be smart for her to let me know. If I like a female, I will let her know.

REASON: We may not even know each other even EXIST!!!

Anonymous said...

(Response to "dat dude")
Dear Mr. Dat Dude,
Your response and clarification appreciated. We're in agreement. Thought you were giving your 'man-card' away. :-) Happy gazing.... All the best to you!
-Ms. Anonymous

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

i dont know what to say, i want a woman, but i know if i dont find one i will be foot loose and fancy free and thats not good, been there done that

Textibitionist said...

Great post.