Tuesday, April 29, 2008

How Do You Know?!!!

True Story: I met this guy about 4 months ago back home in Texas through a mutual friend, at dinner one weekend when I was home visiting. When I first saw him he was so handsome to me. He is 6’3, chocolate skin, gorgeous smile, a nice body, and maybe in his late 30’s. He was so cool, almost too good to be true! I didn’t want a relationship at the time but he was a good prospect for 'FwB'. After meeting, we exchanged numbers and began to talk off and on. He was really cool, we talked all the time day or night, and hung out a couple of times. Mainly, we had a lot of great conversations about business, life lessons, and he had a great sense of humor. Since I live in another state we didn’t hang out much. This guy invited me to his place ("studio" he called it), was always available late at night to meet. But -- believe it or not -- I was never intimate with this man. Over the last two months we talked a LOT more than usual. I was becoming interested in him!

This Monday morning -- at 8:15AM -- I received a call. I answered and the caller quickly hung up the phone! Then the caller stuck again! I answered AGAIN and a female voice said:

Caller: Hello, I am calling because your number is all over my husband's phone bill.
Me: (Laughing) Are you sure? I don’t have any husbands in my phone.
Caller: Yes, your number is all over his phone bill?
Me: Ok, well what is your husband's name?
Caller: [She provided the name]
Me: Oh WHAT?!!! (Laughing out Loud) He is married?
Caller: Yes, I am his wife and I need to know why you are talking to him all day and at 1AM in the morning. What are these conversations about?
I had no clue he was married, he keeps a schedule like a single person. He is available to talk anytime day or night. And, I have never touched your husband -- not so much as a hug. We mainly talk about business ideas, general convo, and whatever else the conversation brings.
Caller: Well, what is your relationship?
Me: We are cool. I am not even in the state. We don’t have a relationship.
Caller: Well, you mean to tell me that you didn't SEE his wedding ring?
Me: Uhh, no! He doesn’t wear a ring. He doesn’t even have a ring indention on his finger. If I knew he was married he would have never gotten my phone number. Your man doesn’t show that he is married in any way, shape, form, or fashion.

Additional...This conversation continued for about 15mins then we hung up. Of course she wasn’t and couldn’t be mad at me, so she ended the conversation politely.

My question to my readers is…

HOW DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS MARRIED? Especially if they don’t follow the habits of a married person. Let me know your thoughts cause Ms. Devereaux is definitely tripping out about this phone call.

The game is grimy but people are grimier.


Wonderful Unknown! said...

Girl this is too deep. To be real with you, I don't know of a way to find this out. Google is good but only by the wife's name and if they don't want you to know they're married they're not going to just give you they're wife's name of course!

Dat dude said...

There really isn't much you can do to vet out a '1st rate' cheater, b/c a '1st rate' cheater has all of the general angles covered.

You simply have to wait until the "story tells itself"...

HOW? Well, this occurs under an unforeseen and unpredictable circumstance that the '1st rate cheater' can never plan for.

Examples include:

1. Cheater dies and TWO wives show up to the funeral, or

2. Cheater gives his wife an STD found ONLY in the jungles of Bangladesh, or

3. Cheater is arrested and photographed by police, found tied to a bed-post, nearly naked, wearing fishnet stockings, a pink punk-rocker wig, blue lipstick, and padded-bra, in a seedy hotel frequented by bi-sexual prostitutes, in ANOTHER State...and, there is a tip-jar FILLED with $$$ next to his tied-up-ass sitting on the dresser.

IMHO, in each of these cases, he should be considered 'caught'.

Anonymous said...

Wow! That's a doozy. Unfortunately, not much you can do from another state other than do a background, acquaintance check, meet his friends, most importantly, ask him if he is married, w/ or w/o kids.
My mom said to wait, ask a few questions, observe. Eventually the truth will be revealed. In the meantime, you did the right thing refraining from the intimate.

P.S, "dat dude" you're hilarious. You seem to have quite the imagination or might I unusual insight into this kind a situation. :-)

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Wow that has got to suck! Maybe had you been in the same location as the guy,you would have picked up a more intimate gut feeling that this guy is married or in a relationship. Distance relationships are tricky.But I always say go with your gut feeling.If something is too good to be true.It usually is.So now you will have that one time experience and have your guard up more.Not saying that every male is lying about his relationship status.But rather to be safe than sorry.Sometimes in this day and age it's hard to tell if a guy is bisexual .But that's a different blog......Scary isn't it?

The Love Grinch said...

Did you think to ask? When you were at the place were there pictures?

It is strange how people can be so grimmy, but they have a low tolerence for liers.

So, in the grand scheme of things, I'm going to have to agree with everybody else. You cannot really tell unless they tell you (in whatever way that may be).

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...


Jewells said...

I'm not sure there really is a way. There aren't always signs. If he is available to talk all hours of the night, there's no ring or indentation/tan line, late night "studio" visits...it would appear that he is not married.

You didn't do anything wrong.

Wow, no one is safe these days. That's what I hate about being single again...you just never know people.

Don said...

i don't think there is any sure-fire way to know that a man or woman is married. because if you find out they are married, they will come with the "we're seperated and about to get divorced" bit.

some people hardly care if a person is married. lol.

you handled yourself well. did you ever speak with the dude again, especially about his wife calling?

Honey Devereaux said...

@ Wonderful unknown: You know I am the Google queen.

@ Dat dude: You are so funny! But those are good examples.

@ anonymous #1: meet his friends, most importantly, ask him if he is married, w/ or w/o kids...I did ask if he was married. He does has kids. No need to met friends.

@anonymous #2: So now you will have that one time experience and have your guard up more...This could very well begin to be true. But I try to stay open to meeting people and not let my past experiences effect new ones.

@the love grinch: Never went to his place. He just offered.

@Jewells: yeah he played it good. That how grimy the game is.

@Don: Thanks! I haven't talk to him in about 3 weeks. I went to call his phone and tell him I didn't think it was cool for him to put me in his drama. But it was off.

KM said...

I got one of those calls once. The guy had been checking me out since he moved into my complex. Turns out he was living with his baby mother (baby was under 6mths) -- and the girl who called me (not the baby's mother) had bought his line that he and ex were done. Smooth, but not smooth enough.

Prune that joint.

HNIC said...

Women cheat more than men.. and women cheat better. men will ALWAYS get caught in the end.
My catch phrase is .. men are dogs.. women are cats. You always see dog shit everywhere and even step in it.. you smell it and dogs even act funny when they take a shit somewhere they arent supposed to (hang their heads and have droopy ears) so you always catch them.
but CATS on the other hand.. actually are more devious than dogs, they shit just as much if not more because of their metabolism. But you never ever see a cat going to the bathroom.... you never notice it at all and you would belive that it never happens because they hide it in a way that you never see or notice.

to me thats what seperates us men from women.
this guy got caught...so you ask how do you know a man is married? he will eventually slip up and tell you anyway.

cheaters disgust me.
any man worth his salt would have "gottn it in" when he was a young G and wouldnt have to be out here in the streets at frikkin 38 years of age. guess he had no game.

My 2cents

Dear Alle said...

Well first PRAY anyway when you meet some one new cause you never know. Im sorry that hapned to you, I am glad the wife didn't really trip with you either. You were not at fault, keep our eyes open ladies.

Don said...

oh, she made him turn his service off. LOL.

idkmynameismikki said...


heyyyyyy ms D!! I am sho mad she made dude cut his phone off!! I like her style! she said momma dont play that!!

idkmynameismikki said...


ms D we dunno if this is really him no one has been able to confirm it