Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Peeking in My Window...

I feel intimated
I feel lost…
I feel terrified
I feel disillusioned
I feel panicky
I feel humiliated
I feel anxious
Then I... Begin to question my ability to write and focus.

I am learning that I have an EXTREMELY hard time focusing. I wonder if my desire to write is good enough to get in debt behind getting a degree. The classes I am taking this semester are a little more difficult than I expected.

One class teaches about sacred and secular practices that influence ritual, ceremony, carnival, rites of passage, the blues, improvisation, “Negro Spirituals”, post- colonialism and the black world from Africa to the Diaspora. I am learning about individuals such as August Wilson, Melvin Van Peebles, DJ Spooky, Malidoma Patric Some, Fela Kuti, Ousmane Sembene, and others. Many of the things explained in the class goes completely against what I believe. (Let’s just say I appreciate my Christian education a little more) but I am not in the class to change my belief, I am there to expand my mind and learn about the world around me…right? I am an open-minded person. (Plus, I need it graduate)

The other class is Reporting & Writing I. I love my teacher and the class structure. I like the fact we go out and report. I don’t like that the story has to be complete (meaning ready for next day press) before the end of class. I never had to write and get my thoughts together so fast. Most of the time I have to report the facts only.( I like to give my opinion) On the flip side I do enjoy learning about writing feature stories, obituaries, and interviewing among other things. What I learned in this class is I DO NOT want to ever be a reporter. I don’t like news stories. However, this class has caused me to question my ability to convey my thoughts on paper clear and concise.

Often times I am intimated by the other students in my class. Their writing is witty, sharp, clear, creative, concise, and a good read. These kids are fresh off the high school newspaper. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I can’t help it sometimes. We all do it at some point in our lives. I love writing, but is that enough to be a journalist? My goals are simple when I graduate. I want to be a writer that changes the way people think and engage each other through many different outlets. Maybe it’s the style of writing verses my actual ability to write. What I know for sure is I am a creative and expressive writer and I love it!!!

Anyway that’s it for now I have to finish studying for a midterm...pray for me!!!

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms.Devereaux"


Anonymous said...

All you need is the love and passion to write. In the end it will all come together.

dat dude said...

Ditto on what 'anonymous' said. However, there is definitely a time to compare yourself to others. However, now is not that time for you. Right now, you are likely too early in your development process to compare yourself.

Importantly, you "love what you do", which means that you will learn and develop at an accelerated pace compared to other people.

-Passion and desire are great
-Passion and desire steeped in discipline and honed-skill, is unstoppable.

Anonymous said...

You will be fine sis!! You just follow your heart and put God first and everything will work out for the best.

Anonymous said...

i agree with what dat dude said ....this is just the beginning and there will be overcoming ostacles, but you have to stay the end its all worth ya honey

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

u will be alright hon. time does wonders for the way u feel

Don said...

i feel where you are coming from. i keep hearing editors tell me that i have to be both objective and subjective @ the same time. they tell me to form opinions as well.

i'm like how can i do all of this in less than 500 words? lol.

serious side - all you hae to do is free your mind of doubt and allow your pen to guide you. i think you have good thoughts, yet thoughts that create doubt. you have to approach writing like a job.

Anonymous said...

I echo 'dat dude'. Nose to the grind stone. Comparisons, we all do it, unfortunately... However if you must compare, use it to find your shortcoming and make them your strengths. Learn from them. But comparison for sake of "self pity and self doubt'is unacceptable. Remember, when God puts a desire in your heart and its coupled with discipline, and hard work...with him nothing is impossible. A bit corny...but believe me you....

shelia said...

What you're feeling is natural...but don't let it stop you. Let it be the driving force you need to get you over the hump. You can and you will as long as you believe it.

Wonderful Unknown said...

Tia you need to keep going for what you want it WILL HAPPEN!

Honey Devereaux said...

@ Everyone, thanks for the feedback I feel alot better. I was having a moment that day.

@ Shelia, I definitely won't stop I have to keep running.

@ Don,lol about the editors. Doubt fills my mind often lately but, you are right I need to approach writing as a job.

pensilver51 said...

It takes courage to put your mind on paper for all to see. The narrow divide between your soul and your technique is where your voice lies. The uniqueness of your voice is what will draw readers to you.