I feel intimated
I feel lost…
I feel terrified
I feel disillusioned
I feel panicky
I feel humiliated
I feel anxious
Then I... Begin to question my ability to write and focus.
I am learning that I have an EXTREMELY hard time focusing. I wonder if my desire to write is good enough to get in debt behind getting a degree. The classes I am taking this semester are a little more difficult than I expected.
One class teaches about sacred and secular practices that influence ritual, ceremony, carnival, rites of passage, the blues, improvisation, “Negro Spirituals”, post- colonialism and the black world from Africa to the Diaspora. I am learning about individuals such as August Wilson, Melvin Van Peebles, DJ Spooky, Malidoma Patric Some, Fela Kuti, Ousmane Sembene, and others. Many of the things explained in the class goes completely against what I believe. (Let’s just say I appreciate my Christian education a little more) but I am not in the class to change my belief, I am there to expand my mind and learn about the world around me…right? I am an open-minded person. (Plus, I need it graduate)
The other class is Reporting & Writing I. I love my teacher and the class structure. I like the fact we go out and report. I don’t like that the story has to be complete (meaning ready for next day press) before the end of class. I never had to write and get my thoughts together so fast. Most of the time I have to report the facts only.( I like to give my opinion) On the flip side I do enjoy learning about writing feature stories, obituaries, and interviewing among other things. What I learned in this class is I DO NOT want to ever be a reporter. I don’t like news stories. However, this class has caused me to question my ability to convey my thoughts on paper clear and concise.
Often times I am intimated by the other students in my class. Their writing is witty, sharp, clear, creative, concise, and a good read. These kids are fresh off the high school newspaper. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I can’t help it sometimes. We all do it at some point in our lives. I love writing, but is that enough to be a journalist? My goals are simple when I graduate. I want to be a writer that changes the way people think and engage each other through many different outlets. Maybe it’s the style of writing verses my actual ability to write. What I know for sure is I am a creative and expressive writer and I love it!!!
Anyway that’s it for now I have to finish studying for a midterm...pray for me!!!
Until next time on "The Journey of Ms.Devereaux"
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
I feel intimated