Thursday, April 17, 2008

What Would You Do?

One of my readers emailed me this scenerio. She asked me to post it on here so she could get advice from you guys about this situation. So help your fellow reader out.

When I was in high school I dated this guy who had dropped out of school for three years of course I was into basketball and he was into hanging out in the streets. He went to jail and I went on with my life. Now after 20 years we ended up getting back together. He sometimes brings up what happened to us 20 years ago and I think he should get over it and lets live today. We broke up again because of his jealousy and he wanted to hang out all times of the night. I tried to understand that he wanted to hang out with the boys but it got out of hand when the time got later and later everytime. We have been split up for about a year now. I still love him and I would love to be with him but, I don't think he is ready for a real realtionship. He is 40 and I recently saw him with a much younger girl, it hurt me because all this time he would call me and tell me that he wanted to work things out with me. I helped him go to truck driving school, get a car, and get a job driving. When I see him I am excited but, I really don't know if I truly love him or if I am selling myself short because I am scared to get into another relationship because of all the STD's and men who just want to hit it and go.

I really need some advise on this. Should I try to work things out with him or should I just let it go?


ErynMyisha said...

you can't be serious....i'm sure everyone who responds will tell your friend to leave this loser alone, but she won't leave until she's truly ready to. you know you and i have had that conversation before, t. tell her to read this post as if it's her mom/sister/best friend going through the same stuff and see what she'll say.

Anonymous said...

Wow so many times women settle because they think they can not obtain a man of equal york.Your friend has helped this man get on his feet (typical and vice versa) now he has someone else.She should let by gones be by gones and enlight in the fact that she took part in blessing someone else .I say leave the past in the past this is why we call it the past.She needs to look ahead to her future .There are alot more guys out there who are Mr.Do Right.When in a relationship,you compromise and meet each other half way in any situation that the other partner disagrees on.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

do whats in your heart, sometimes it is best to let it go.

Dat dude said...

Let him go...

1. Ex-Prisoner -- Prob has his own STDs from those 'lovely days'

2. 40yrs old -- Set in his habits

3. He's dealing with younger chicks -- Means that you don't fit his 'new standard'

4. You get excited when you see him -- Means nothing! Snotty-nosed neighborhood children get demon-possessed at the musical sounds and site of the 'ice cream delivery truck', but that DOESN'T mean the ice cream man has their best interest at heart!

5. You love him -- Means little! We all love people, places, and things that aren't good for us.

6. You sponsored his education and helped him get back on his feet -- Very cool. Much respect!

7. He's a 'Jealous + Ex-Prisoner' -- I may be going out on a limb here, BUT many of those guys have deeply repressed anger management issues (regardless of why they went to prison). 'J + E' = An Ass whoopin for you, or worse!

8. You fear STDs from other men -- There's an easy solution for that. Simply ask any man with whom you plan to get 'seriously intimate' with to show you his 'STD test results'. Just like required of your Ex-Prisoner boyfriend (right? RIGHT!?!?)

Oh, did I mention, "Let him go!?!?"

Dat dude said...

Oh, one more point...

9. He is an Ex-Prisoner -- Personally, if I had been 'locked away' from females for a number of years, the ABSOLUTE LAST thing I would want to do is be tied to ONE GIRL once I was released!!!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you are doing a lot of carrying and giving...Single and happy vs married and miserable. You can not change a person!

If you are content live the remainder of your life beholden to a jealous, insecure, damaged male, who attempts to make you jealous...God has given freedom of choice. Sex? Realize shortly, especially if he has any health issues like diabetes, hypertension, and/or alcohol/tobacco abuse, the sex aspect of your relationship is going to drastically decline. So, you are left with, no sex, and his personality and character. Do you like?

My Grandma's words of wisdom:
1."Is this the face you want to see every morning across the table for the rest of you life?

2. Do you respect and admire him, as someone who would make a good husband/father?

3. Does he respect you and your feelings?

4. A God-fearing man?

5. Finally, do you love him?

Best Regards!

Anonymous said...

Too often we try to make it work. Relationships are not that shouldn't have to force it. I hate to see sisters go through so much for a man. God wants what is best for you want what's best for you? Let it go girl...let it go.

Anonymous said...

Why? Why are your even questioning yourself and other people when you know deep down that he was not right then and he is not right now. One thing you should know about a man is that they don't change they may grow up but sweetie they do not change. You have committed to him for all the wrong reasons and if you truly love yourself than you will indeed move on. Remember what you put out in the universe is what you get back. So, if you do not think you deserve better and continue to hold on to him then you must not think highly of yourself. I think some women have a fear to be alone. Take time to find yourself out and ask yourself if you think enough of yourself to move on because any man is going to push the limits as long as you allow.

Eb the Celeb said...

you should definitely let it go... you cannot make a man grow up... he has to make that decision for yourself... plus the fact that he knows you arent dating anyone... is just buying him time... maybe you dating around and him seeing you out with other guys will make him realize what a good woman you are and that you have been with him threw thick and thin and that he will not find anyone better...

and trust... that getting back together with him is not going to protect you from STD's... if he's out with these younger girls, he can bring it back to you just like a new guy that you just started dating... in regards to that you just have to always protect yourself