Friday, May 16, 2008

Dear Mr. Sharp Shooter...

This Monday morning the news reported there was a 'standoff with a gunman involved' in a Grand Prairie, TX, apartment complex. Never in a million years would I have thought that it was my uncle the ‘gentle teddy bear’. I hear about police officers taking people lives all the time. This time it was different because, I received a call saying that the gunman on the news was my uncle, and he had your bullet in him.

I don’t think you realize what you have done to my family. When you took that shot on Monday morning around 7a.m. in those Grand Prairie apartment you killed a family. That was my Uncle Kevin. He was a father of three fantastic girls who adored him. He was the baby brother to 10 other individuals who are suffering tremendously. He was the uncle to many nieces and nephews. He was a husband for 25 years. He was the friend of many who loved him dearly. He was a bone marrow donor. He was the youngest child of my 90 year old grandmother, who just looked him in his face the day before.

Mr. Sharp Shooter, I don’t know complete details that led you to his apartment that morning, but I do know you weren’t suppose to take his life. You painted a picture as though he came out shooting, and to avoid anyone from being harm you put your bullet in him. You LIED! I listen to the voice mail over and over that was played on the news by his pastor were he is begging for help. In the middle of his sentence a glass breaks and it is your bullet headed towards his body.

You took the life of a gentle, kind, caring, thoughtful, loving, funny, calm natured, selfless, strong, GREAT man! He would never hurt a fly. In fact he is known as a ‘peacemaker’. I was just with him in March; I would have never thought that your bullet would take him away from us. My cousins are left without the man they loved most. I believe you didn’t know what you are doing when you pulled that trigger, so I am working on forgiving you. However, I don’t believe he came out shooting at you. See that is not the man that I just described. If you were aware of his illness I can’t help but wonder why you didn’t handle the situation differently. I will forever believe it could have gone differently, but I will try to remember the God doesn’t make mistakes.

Mr. Sharp Shooter, I can't wrap my mind around what you did. I hope you never experience the pain we feel. We will never understand why you took my uncle's life while he was crying out for help.

His lovely Niece

Continue reading below...

Dear Gentle Teddy Bear...

My most recent memory of you is at Grandma 90th b-day celebration singing ‘I Shall Wear a Crown.' As I watched you sing,I felt so much emotion in that song and I wasn’t sure why. I was suppose ride back to Dallas with you, but chose not to. Now I wish I would have taken that ride.

I have never known you to show any emotion other than humor, and just an undisturbed attitude. I always thought you were a remarkable father. I remember when I was younger I thought you were the strongest man ever, because you just look like you could fight anyone or anything... You would play arm wrestle with us, and let us think we really beat you. I use to think all the time….’ How did his voice get so deep?”

You always looked out for me when I needed you too. You even keep me posted about jobs. Recently, you sent me a nice text that made me smile. Last weekend I sent out a text and I forgot to include you on my list, saying that I loved everyone. Now I wonder if it would have made a difference.

I never knew you carried so much pain. We are family and really have no clue what is going with each other. That happens a lot in the black community. Hearing your last voicemail message to your pastor I can hear your pain. It really kills me that my strong uncle was hurting so bad in his last moments. You were always so funny to me, although we didn’t talk as much as I would have like, I do remember we had our good conversations.

Thank you for being there for my mother, sister, and me when we needed you. I believe God doesn’t make mistakes. He knew this was going to happen before we did, so he is prepared to bring us through it.

We are going to be there for the girls and Aunt Shelia. Devon, Eryn, Sidney, have an amazing support system already, but we have let them know that we are here for them. Your brothers and sisters miss you dearly and they are having a hard time but my cousins and I will be there to uplift our parents. Oddly, enough Grandma is the strongest right now. But you know that is because her and God are best friends. I hate you left us soon. I should have told you all this stuff before Mr. Sharp Shooter put his bullet in you.

I love you very much and rest in peace Uncle Kevin.

Ms. Devereaux,

Friday, May 9, 2008

Lately I've Been Thinking..

Over the past couple of months my feelings have been tremendously hurt and a lot of tears have been shed. I have come to realize that most of these emotions have arisen because of my desires for others to meet my expectations. This is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. We as human beings have the tendency to set EXPECTATIONS for others to meet. We should NEVER have EXPECTATIONS, but STANDARDS and PREFERENCES.

I think it allows one to avoid disappointments when someone does not fulfill your EXPECTATIONS. Too often when we are caught up with the opposite sex finding ones self disappointed when he/she doesn't meet your EXPECTATIONS, or know what we are thinking. Another huge annoyance of mine is, the 'unspoken' expectation. People are not mind readers so you should not presume that the individual is thinking the same as you.

It is difficult to dismiss ones EXPECTATION, simply because we expect people to know as if it were common sense. Recently, I was told that "common sense does not equal common practice". There can be a misconception that someone has changed, but in all reality they just didn't meet the EXPECTATION you placed on them.

You may never really know what a person is thinking or how they may feel towards you. People are not obligated to do anything so don't expect anything. Hold people to a standard and have preference on the ones you let into your life but, if you don't remember anything else I say...NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING.

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"