Friday, May 9, 2008

Lately I've Been Thinking..

Over the past couple of months my feelings have been tremendously hurt and a lot of tears have been shed. I have come to realize that most of these emotions have arisen because of my desires for others to meet my expectations. This is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. We as human beings have the tendency to set EXPECTATIONS for others to meet. We should NEVER have EXPECTATIONS, but STANDARDS and PREFERENCES.

I think it allows one to avoid disappointments when someone does not fulfill your EXPECTATIONS. Too often when we are caught up with the opposite sex finding ones self disappointed when he/she doesn't meet your EXPECTATIONS, or know what we are thinking. Another huge annoyance of mine is, the 'unspoken' expectation. People are not mind readers so you should not presume that the individual is thinking the same as you.

It is difficult to dismiss ones EXPECTATION, simply because we expect people to know as if it were common sense. Recently, I was told that "common sense does not equal common practice". There can be a misconception that someone has changed, but in all reality they just didn't meet the EXPECTATION you placed on them.

You may never really know what a person is thinking or how they may feel towards you. People are not obligated to do anything so don't expect anything. Hold people to a standard and have preference on the ones you let into your life but, if you don't remember anything else I say...NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING.

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"


Anonymous said...

That was great


Anonymous said...

Very true, not only just for the opposite sex either, that goes for friends as well! Well put!...

Love Grinch said...

"Common sense does not equal common practice", very well said Dev. It is not so common anymore!

If you don't have any expectations of people, you'll never be disappointed.

KD said...

If you don't expect anything then how is life worth living? Less than 6 months ago, I ended a relationship which was very dear to me. He was a wonderful FRIEND...but the boyfriend was whole 'nother story. Yes, he disappointed me...I believed in him...I cared for him and gave of myself like I had never done before. However, given the hurt/disappointment and pain...I know there is someone out there who will meet my expectations and I his.

I see expectatins as limits. Limits we all must have in order to structure and balance our lives. Without limits there is chaos.Without disappointment, there is no growth. Without expectations, there is no hope. Without hope, there is no joy. Without joy, life just ain't worth livin'!

I don't know how it happened but it seems like we (the generation 35yrs and up) are afraid to committ to "a little hard work". Ironically, I was speaking with a male friend of mine tonight. He and I were very good friends in high-school...lost contact in college and reunited 5 months ago. He said that if he has to work on a relationship, it ain't worth having! What?! Where did the tide shift that we became so spoiled that we think everything is our way, NOW and EASY! If anyone challenges us...we get must be YOU! it can't possibly be me! So, we walk away never taking inventory of the we continue to have the same relationship with different people...because we fail to realize the "common denominator" is YOU!

I must say...Yes, I do have expectations of those in my life...are they "cut" because they don't meet them? No. Everyone in your life is not held to the same standards (and those expectations are "negotiable". That is maturity.)

Tying-up loose ends with the original gentleman...I wanted "closure". (we all know that's a lie. I wanted him to tell me what the heck was he thinking when he said/did some of his antics.) While explaining to him what he meant to he had made me feel, he was silent. While explaining the hurt/pain I felt w/this or that, he interrupted. Ferociously trying to EXPLAIN himself, he never really heard me. Someone's disappointed in us isn't a fatal blow! Its a chance for us to grow...expand our emotional depth...our understanding of not only ourselves but of others. And without expecatations, none of the above is possible?...

Would I do it again! Yes! Because of what that relationship taught me about myself. I can't change another, but I can make damn certain I learn from those who are/were dear to me...which relationship am I refering to...ALL! (even those not mentioned...because they have molded me into who I am today...while I didn't enjoy the pain...I love the growth!)

Someone you don't have expectations people will never disappointment you...maybe not, but you disappoint yourself with nothing to look forward to...(hope).

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

i donr even contmplate or atempt such

Anonymous said...

Reasonable expectations and/or no expectation...the only way to operate succeesfully thru life.

Keeping in mind, "common sense ain't always common"


Don said...

most of these emotions have arisen because of my desires for others to meet my expectations.

Great post. I mean, GREAT. I wish people would understand that others are fickle. I know this to be a great truth. I do me, if people feel me then fine. If not, hey, it's a free world.

Loved this post, Honey.

I hope people listen. LOL.

Honey Devereaux said...

@anonymous #1:Thanks
#2: I agree I feel this way toward all humans.

@ Love Grinch: I missed you where have you been. That's the new mission not to be disappointed anymore.

@KD: I understand what you are saying. There have been things I would do again. But I have learn to keep my expectations in check. You can learn to grow from other things than disappointment. But I hear you loud and clear.

@Torrance: I hear ya!

@ Mlb: Reasonable expectation...possibly.

@Don: Thank you sir!!! People never listen. But they will after they have their own experience.

shelia said...

9 times out of 10, most folks will disappoint us if it was up to living up to our expectations. Sometimes folks have no idea we've put these labels on them to act or do a certain thing.

We have to be concious of this as it seems you are. Expect what you get from the person and if it's not in line with what you like or want, then you know to keep it moving.