Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Happy Anniversary...

Well today is officially 1 year I have lived in Chicago and I've been pursuing my dreams. I felt it would be great to honor this day with an update to my readers about some interesting events of this year. Now I won’t do this every year, just because that would be corny…lol. Now lets get started on my recap shall we…

God - If I ever doubted God in my life (which I never have) I can tell you without a doubt he does exist and I’m a living witness. Anyone that needs a story of encouragement I have plenty to share. Many of you have been reading since my first post know how much of a faith walk this experience has been.

School - I started as a part time student due to financial aid (thank you George W. Bush). Fall 2008 I will be a full-time student, (15hrs) thanks to the Illinois MAPP Grant and prayers.

- Last year I started an internship with and will continue with them. Recently I became a freelance writer for which is really exciting, so I will have a variety of work for my portfolio.(click on website to view)

Partying - When I first got here I partied a little too much. Mainly because my cousin was moving and my previous roommate and I wanted to make sure she had a great time. Some of our best times have been at Funky Buddha lounge. There was one night my roommate and I spent 50.00 each for a wasted night for us, but a good night for my cousin.(which is what matters). Another night my cousins and I went to a play. I was excited about going home early(so I could sleep) but they decided to go out to Funky Buddha then to eat at my favorite spot Taco Burrito, which I couldn’t appreciate because I was so tired. Did I mention I had to be at work at 8 a.m. the next morning. Needless to say, I went to work almost sleep as they slept peacefully…aww the good times. We always have fun when we go out.

Jobs - I have had nothing put temp jobs which didn’t last long due to whatever reason. I did get a job at my school as a Resident Assistant, which comes with a free apartment and dedication to the students. I think I will be great at this position. Also I applied for a dream job back in March (so I thought) as a personal assistant, which got me caught in a huge scam and my bank account being $9 million overdrawn. Yes you read correctly nine million dollars. Luckily everything got cleared up and I didn’t go to jail…long story folks.

Dating - Umm this subject is weird for me. I honestly don’t know what dating is. I consider myself to be cool with every guy I met or go out with. I call it ‘We Cool’, maybe you all can tell me what dating is. I have had fun hanging out with some people here but for the most part it’s nothing to write home about. Although there is this one fella I would love to go with for real but it hasn’t happened yet. Maybe he will read my blog and know that it’s him…lol.

Housing - When I moved here I was suppose to rent my cousins place out. That didn’t work out for various reasons. My roommate at the time also expressed that she couldn’t live with me anymore, but I could stay with her for a little bit till I found a place. Well as we all know folks things change and that didn’t work out at all. I was pretty pissed and we didn’t talk for a while. During this time I considered coming back to TX. Not that my family wasn’t willing to let me stay with them. I really didn’t want to do that. Plus, we all had weird schedules and it didn't seem like it would work out. But God worked everything out and I didn’t have to go back to Texas. I camped out on my cousin’s couch during the week and lived in my aunt and uncle basement apartment on the days I didn’t have class. This transition was the hardest time of me you all have no idea; mentally it got really bad for me.

Family - My family has been great and I want to say THANK YOU. We have had our challenges that’s for sure, but at the end of the day we have each others back. They have really been lifting me up on their shoulders despite having their own issues. Ya’ll know how I can be so we have gotten into arguments when I felt a challenged, but it all worked out for everyone.

Events - This summer I went to a few interesting and exciting events. Chaka Khan and Angie Stone concert, it was FREE and FUN! Stevie Wonder was great but it was so crowded I couldn’t move. Usually I am not nervous about large crowds but this was scary. I also worked a Black Gay/Lesbian Pride Event, which was interesting. These are my thoughts after this event. As far as gay men, ages 25-younger they have no problem expressing who they are they just don’t care. Those 27- 35 maybe a little younger are the ones that blew me away. Although they were in their environment there were A LOT of men I would have never thought in a million years would be gay. If I saw them on the streets it wouldn’t cross my mind. They were manly, handsome, and well dressed. Any older, they can be discreet but they don’t care. As far as women in my age group listen to me… YOU CAN’T TELL IF A MAN IS GAY! The men you think are gay aren’t. The ones you think aren’t gay could be? It’s crazy I was just in shock, great experience though. Another great event was the Unity Journalism Conference. This is where the Black, Asian, Native American, and Hispanic Journalist come together for workshops, careers fair, galas, and parties. I volunteered there everyday last week. I learned so much to prepare me for my next steps, and met some really great informative people. I probably seen everyone you watch on TV for news. On the last day Sen. Barack Obama came which I can’t tell you about because I didn’t make it. Overall, priceless experience!

Mentors - Last semester I found my mentor. He taught my Reporting & Writing Class. I really like him as a teacher. He is great, simply because he is a current journalist, honest, informed, and truly cares. I am so glad I took the advice of some guy I met at a party who told me to take him as a teacher. If you are reading this ‘mentor’ I would like to say thank you.

It's impossible to cram a year in one post. But,overall it has been a HUGE challenge and to be honest I almost gave up so many times. I got tired of crying, struggling, fighting, and everything else. But, I always say ‘it’s never really bad’. Chicago has a way of showing you that as soon as you walk out of your front door, with homeless, hungry people everywhere. I believe God has a purpose for me. My cousin told me if he didn’t see everything that was going on with me he wouldn’t believe it himself. I think I have grown tremendously and I am ready to continue growing and maturing as a woman. It’s been one hell of a ride but totally worth it and I can’t wait for what’s next…I think (just kidding I’m ready)

Until next time on 'The Journey of Ms. Devereaux'

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Turn Up the Heat...

By now we are all deep into the summer. Texas is hot as fish grease!! Despite it being hotter than hell in most places there are some really great things about the summer time. School breaks,outdoor parties, family vacations, weekend bbq's, tanning(I am a little on the bright-skinned side), and most importantly the summer brings out the finest men. I know in Chicago I don't see as many cuties and as I do in the summer. Probably because in the winter everyone is walking around looking like huge sleeping bags trying to stay warm. Oh, but when the summer comes it's like being a kid in a candy store. With all the activities and festivals and only 3 months of summer everyone is out.

Almost every time I walk outside now I see a tall, handsome, strong, black man walking down the street. Honestly, I have seen some fine men of other nationalities lately. If I am bold enough that day then I might even engage him in conversation. (Yes ladies, I do strike up convo with a man first) I love men already but what turns me on most about a man is his walk, smile, sense of humor, tone of voice, and intelligence. After those boxes are checked then we can move to round I love the summer!

We all have something that we like in each other, but...What turns you on most about the opposite sex?

Until next time on 'The Journey of Ms. Devereaux'

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Creative Writing Pt. 1

Yesterday I was having writers block so I sent out a text message asking you all for blog topics. Everyone sent back great topics and I plan on writing on most of them in the upcoming post. Unfortunately, writers block is still in my brain so I decided to do something different with this post. Actually, I plan on doing a lot of different things with this blog. I took a Fiction Writing class last year and I thought I would share one of my stories I had to write with you all. I want to write a book one day about something, so feel free to give me any feedback. Hope you enjoy!

Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want to hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone!I bent down in the corner near the porcelain tube, slowly placing my hands on the pearl colored tile floor for balance. It's very dark in here the only light is coming from underneath the door. I have been here many times before so I know what it looks in the dark.There is an old burgundy shower curtain that hangs over the tub with soap scum stuck to the bottom of it, the worn out floral wall paper covers the entire bathroom, and the toilet that always seems to be cold no matter what. The cabinets are dark brown although the color is fading and the different color towels hang from the rack. I always hated coming in here, they put me in here like a caged animal. I used to scream so loud, and cry so hard my eyes would swell shut, I despised being in the dark. I told myself if they did this to me again I would get them. This time I am going to calm down and devise my plan.Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want to hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone! I keep hearing in my head over and over again as they repeated themselves. After awhile it became quiet enough where I thought it was safe to leave. Slowly I got up from the cold bathroom floor and opened the door. The light from the hallway was bright I had to squint my eyes until they adjusted. I walked out of the bathroom hoping no one would see me.

I wasn’t always like this, there was a time when I was considered kind, patient, loving, caring, giving, and warm-spirited person. In the past, I loved getting to know people and being around them laughing having a good time. Now I can’t stand to be around people, I feel like they are fake and don’t really care about who I really am. I decided to leave school that day and walk downtown just to take some time to myself. While sitting at a coffee shop late that night I watched a homeless man walk aimlessly looking for his next meal, digging from one trash can to another he pulled out left overs from stranger’s meals. He even pulled a few half smoked cigarette buds to finish off himself later. While sitting there I begin to get upset and wonder how could this man allow himself get to this point were he has to beg, for money and live on the street. I began to think how he had no purpose in life and that he was a waste of space and someone needed to handle it. Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone! That’s what I kept hearing. I couldn't shake the voices in my head

That night it was cold, windy,and rainy. I sat at Starbucks on the corner across from the Deluxe store, and US Bank on the opposite corner from me. I see a couple walking down the street near the empty parking lot, something about them sparked my interest so I left the coffee shop and followed them down the street behind the building into an empty alley. No one around this particular night almost like a ghost town. I stopped at the corner and peaked around the trash cans to see where the cute couple had went. To my surprise I see the man pounding his fist into the face of the woman he was holding hands with, then he grabbed her around her throat and slammed her into the ground. I couldn’t believe my eyes he was going to kill her I had to stop him and do something to help this woman out. After, he slammed her to the ground he began to repeatedly kick her. What could I do to help her? As I stood there I had a flash back, of being locked in the bathroom being tortured by horrible people. Before I knew it I rushed down the street while the guy’s back was turned, he couldn’t hear or see me coming because he was so busy beating the sh*t out of what I thought was his girlfriend. I slowed down my paced as I got closer I heard him yelling

“You stupid B*tch, I hate you” despite how bad he had already beaten her ass she was still yelling “stop it Charlie don’t do this I love you”.

The closer I got my rage continued to build like lava in volcano ready to explode. Once close enough with all the strength in my body I grabbed the top of his head and the bottom of his chin and with a quick twist I snapped his neck, I heard the breaking of his bones, it sounded like a branch breaking from a tree. His limp body fell to the ground next to the woman he nearly beat to death. Immediately I reached down to help her by gently grabbing her hand to help her up. She looked at me and saw her boyfriend lying next to her and began to scream…

“What have you done?” “What have you done to Charlie?” She yelled.
“Ma’am you won’t have to worry about him anymore I took care of him”. “Let me help you” I said in a relaxed tone.

The woman yelled at me Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I was startled. Again I felt rage began to build up in my chest, it felt like someone had a burning match to my chest and the anger I felt in my body begin to fill like helium in a balloon. I envisioned the old burgundy shower curtain, I felt the cold porcelain floor, the floral wallpaper and before I knew it I grabbed her by the top of head and the bottom of her chin, again I heard the same snapping noise I heard from Charlie a little bit ago. She dropped just like Charlie did to the ground lifeless. I looked down at Charlie and his girlfriend lie there dead, I killed these people. Petrified by my actions I ran as fast and as far as I could until I was out of breathe and stopped.

Every since that night that phrase Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone! has been playing in my head. Whenever, I am locked in that cold bathroom on the floor I hear that woman yelling at me before I silenced her from ever saying Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Is Black Female Loyalty Enough?

Over the years I have talked to a number of black men who have said that 'black female loyalty' is the #1 reason they have not dated outside of their race. Many black men have strongly considered dating/marrying outside of their race, but have only decided against it because of their conviction on loyalty to black women.

So I pose this question to my readers...

Is loyalty to black women enough of a reason for black men to stick solely with black women for dating/marrying?