Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Is Black Female Loyalty Enough?

Over the years I have talked to a number of black men who have said that 'black female loyalty' is the #1 reason they have not dated outside of their race. Many black men have strongly considered dating/marrying outside of their race, but have only decided against it because of their conviction on loyalty to black women.

So I pose this question to my readers...

Is loyalty to black women enough of a reason for black men to stick solely with black women for dating/marrying?


ErynMyisha said...

i'm starting to not even care that much about this anymore. i don't have a problem with black men who date other races. i only have a problem when they do it out of spite of black women. whoever makes you happy is who you should be with. stressing over this is starting to get played out in my opinion.

Teacia said...

Funny you should mention this Ms. D, I actually wrote a post for our resident interracial dater Eathan which he will be posting tomorrow.

In my opinion yes, but I think we need to come together as a team to cement our foundation. I will not encourage any man or woman to stay in an abusive relationship of any kind out of loyalty for their race.

I think we owe it to one another, our history, and our culture to battle through it until we can find a common ground. I think the finger pointing needs to stop and our hearts and minds need to open. But yes, I do think it's enough.

Anonymous said...

I thought I'd be offended if a guy related to me dated a white girl, but I came face to face with it recently. Actually, I wasn't offended at all. I asked why and he said it was because she treated him better than any other girlfriend has EVER treated him. He also talked about her maturity, her personality, her humor and her intellect. I cannot be mad or upset with that. He would be a fool not to date her simply because she's white. Martin Luther King, Jr. dreamed that we would all be judged by the content of our character...not by the color of our skin. We should live and let live. As long as it's not something that would send us to hell...I say "go for it".

Dat Dude said...

Good question! I no longer think 'loyalty to Black females' is a good enough reason to avoid dating/marrying women of other races -- although I will give a Black female a 'few extra points'...well, for uh, being Black (just being honest here folks).

Most regretfully, my former self-inflicted 'code of loyalty' caused me to ignore some really cool/attractive females of other races, while I was simultaneously being ignored and/or disregarded by most Black females. Ultimately, this strategy routinely left me standing alone, loyal, confused, with my dick in my hand, and wondering "Why I am standing here alone, loyal, confused, with my dick in my hand?"

No siree homey! I now refuse to carry that guilt around. Never again! I'm now an Equal Opportunity Employer -- and taking resumes!

If White dudes can date ANY female they want (e.g. they OWN the Asian female market!!!), Black dudes can too.

In closing, its become increasingly difficult to engage 'most' Black females without getting made to feel like you were a fool for trying. Its just too difficult a 'process' -- especially with my limited time, finances, and self esteem. My efforts are better spent pursuing (or, at least being open to) 'easier' female quarry.

Ernest said...

The act of dating a black woman, or man for that matter, because you are loyal is absurd. Loyalty is devotion given to a person or a cause. If one is with a specific person because they are loyal to that person, it should be out of love/marriage. Any reason other than this is ridiculous. If an individual dates someone because of their race, they are being prejudice against their race as well as others. This would be the equivalent of only shaking hands with whites, smiling at Asians, and dancing with Mexicans. Love who you love. Hate who you hate. But if you learn to love everyone, you'll get more dates.

KM said...

I'm with Ernest... Many cultures, nationalities, backgrounds = good thing. Respect that. One race: the human one. If we respected that too, the whole planet would be much better off.

The Love Grinch said...

When has loyality ever been enough?

Anonymous said...

You all make valid points.But not all AA women are alike and can not be judged by the mistake of one.(Gentlemen) For the guys assumimg you all are african american men.How do you feel when you see a african american woman with a man of another race besides african american? When I see a african american man with a woman of another race , they are just a couple to me but sometimes the wht.women will look at you with a smirk as if she is saying ah ha .Or she will look over protective as if you are going to come up and snatch her man. This is amusing to me because standing right beside me , I have the company of a handsome loyal (not to our culture but to me) afican american man who adores and loves me for me.(Vice vera) In realty I feel like to each is on. Be with who makes you happy regardless of their nationality or status.

Honey Devereaux said...

@ Erynmyisha: I totally agree whoever makes you happy is who you should be with.

@ Teacia: I read your post on Idatewhite.com on this subject.I liked and I get your point. However, I don't think loyalty is never enough.

@Anonymous #1: 'Go for it' is correct this life is already hard enough why make it more difficult when it comes to love by following someone else rules.

@dat dude: I am glad that you no longer let loyalty hold you back.

@Ernest:Love who you love. Hate who you hate. But if you learn to love everyone, you'll get more dates...well said. I completely agree

@KM: Yes indeed the planet would definitely be a better place.

@the love grinch:You never heard of this before? Black men have been saying for years.

@Anonymous #2: e wht.women will look at you with a smirk as if she is saying ah ha .Or she will look over protective as if you are going to come up and snatch her man...this is very true I have seen this happen before. Happiness is the main goal at the end of the day.

Michelle said...

No its not enough of a reason for black men to stick soley with black women re: loyalty. That is why you still see black men with other races. It's all good though, to each is own,as you can be a good loyal black woman and still your man end up with someone from another race, especially if he has a history of dating women of other races that he was happy and fulfilled with. Be smart, ask questions before dating, that will help reveal his preferences upfront and help you to discern if your loyalty efforts to him will be worth it or just a waste of time.