Wednesday, December 17, 2008

How Can I Trust You?



During my RA training in Aug. we did plenty of team building activities which required us to put a great deal of trust into each other. The concept was to teach us to be there for each other during the school year. While participating, I came to the conclusions that for my teammates it wasn’t about building trust; it was more so about getting everything right and winning the game. Life is a game, and in this game we have to trust people. We are taught this lesson at an early age. We trust our parents, relatives, friends, and mates. Often I hear that the phrase ‘I love you’ should not be thrown around so easily, but I think we should guard our trust the same way.

I was taught at an early age to trust no one but God. Although I have people in my life that I have known for countless years, I still have a hard time totally trusting them. My guardian angel taught me that at times it is ok to trust, because there are people who do have your best interest at heart. I have learned to trust people to be who they are, based on what they have shown me. Maya Angelou said…When a person shows you who they are, believe them.

Trust is an enormous commitment, yet people throw it around so freely. Betrayal is difficult to survive, but it is a part of life. If you have faith in God, you tend to assume the best about people. But I wonder… Is it possible to betray one individual but be loyal to another? The best kept secret is the one untold…right?

The thought of trusting people bothers me. I really don’t like doing it because just like all of us I don’t like to be hurt. Over the last six months I have witnessed individuals do some terrible things to destroy people’s lives that TRUSTED them. Whenever I witness this I tend to guard my heart that much more. Plenty of people trust me because I am and have been loyal to them, but I wonder if deep down inside I can’t trust others because maybe I can’t be trusted…


What does trust mean too you? Can YOU really be trusted? Once the trust is broken how do you ever get it back?


Until next time on’ The Journey of Ms. Devereaux’

7 comments:

shelia said...

In God I trust only. Putting trust in man will leave you feeling disappointed each and every time. Some people will try their best to not let you down, but even a person with the best intentions will let you down every now and then.

I feel that I am a trustworthy person and if I tell you something my word is bond.
But even knowing that, I might let you down because if I forget to do something...although unintentional, that's a let down.

Neonnea said...

A couple of your thoughts stuck out to me today. 1) Life is a game and 2)Maya Angelo said...When a person shows you who they are, believe them.

My question to you and the audience would be: If life is a game, how can you believe what someone shows you? Are the 'characters' in our lives auditioning for that 'leading role' because they know others are watching?

I would describe myself as loyal and trustworthy. However, I put on a front for some people, but my intentions are good. I care about some people enough that I don't want their perception of me to weaken because of my flaws. I know my loved ones realize I'm human, but some of my actions may break their hearts. What they don't know won't hurt them, right? No, what they don't know won't stress them...or me.

This morning, I had to do one of the hardest things I may have to do for the rest of the week - tell my grandmother via email that I'm shacking up with a man. Florence is her name so moving to Florence, KY in Sept 2007 was easiest for her to remember. Yesterday, she requested my address to send a Christmas gift since I won't be spending the holidays with them. Replying with a Batavia, OH address had to throw her because she asked me this morning what wasn't I telling her.

I've held to the image of having drive and demonstrating independence. All of this is true. But now, I'm facing the reality that by withholding information such as this for so long may cause a trust issue with her in the future...not to mention, damage my "I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T" image, if you know what I mean. I hope she still has respect for me and my vision for msyelf.

Trust no one but God - working on building a relationship with HIM vs always trying to build a (superficial) relationship with others...and the trust will come.

Life is a game - If so, why aren't I having fun?

When a person shows you who they are, believe them - Not necessarily. Sometimes people may be blinded by bling or a beguiling bastard with the gift of gab.

I don't have a technical definition prepared to describe what trust means to me. However, I'm almost certain from my past actions and the actions of other that if trust is broken, you can never get it back.

Anonymous said...

Trusting is hard but essential to a fullfilling life. Trust people to be who they show themselves to be. Also, even those with the best intentions might unintentionally hurt you. I agree 100%.
[Trusting = Expectations].
I've learned expections set for other people is a disaster waiting to happen. Only set expectations of yourself, minimal if not any for others. Nonetheless, if you expect from others, remember to brief them it first.

-mlb

ladebelle said...

i agree with you about the trust thing but i think i'm a little easier on people. i have a theory that upfront, people have 100% chance at all my trust but through different things they do, they can either lose or gain these points... oddly enough, that's how i deal with tipping waiters too...

but i do believe that you HAVE to trust some people in your life. if you don't, then can you really get to different places? God didn't make us to be totally independent of other people. in fact, we were made quite the opposite. but if you can't trust someone, can you really be dependent upon them?

Beyond Danielle said...

TRUST NO ONE BUT GOD. REMEMBER THIS. MY OWN MOTHER AND FATHER HAVE BETRAYED ME.

Anonymous said...

Trust is earned not given.

Honey Devereaux said...

@Shelia: I agree...trust God.
Some people will try their best to not let you down, but even a person with the best intentions will let you down every now and then...very true!I just need to learn to be forgiving of that.

@Neonnea: Sounds like you have a lot weighing on your heart.

If life is a game, how can you believe what someone shows you? I really don't know. For me I just take it for what it is. There are times when people start out one way and then turn into something totally different later. But I always believe there are warning signs before destruction. It is just a matter of if we pay attention to those signs.

Are the 'characters' in our lives auditioning for that 'leading role' because they know others are watching? I think this can be the case in certain situations.

Life is a game - If so, why aren't I having fun? Sometimes I ask myself the same question. I don't think it is always meant for us to have fun, but to learn from our life experiences.

@ladebelle-but if you can't trust someone, can you really be dependent upon them? No you can not.

@Beyond Danielle: I understand that pain. Maybe after forgiving them and pray we learn to try to rebuild that trust again.