Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Game...



In every relationship, the person least interested in maintaining it is going to dominate it, because they'll never compromise-Terrance Howard.

Terrance Howard made this statement in the movie Idlewild .Then, I did a google search and found the same concept in The Corsini Encyclopedia of Psychology and Behavioral Science. This is a very true statement. I think more so when you first start dating a person. If you are serious about someone, I would say don’t apply this rule. But, if you are just out here in these streets meeting different people you have to play this game.

Women have to play this game more than men because we are emotional creatures and can sometimes get caught up. Older women always say let men chase you and don’t give in so easy. When you do this they tend to act better. Whenever there is no commitment involved in a situation it is best for a woman to show little interest. That way she can tell if a man is really digging her. Some men will argue the case that they don’t chase or think they should chase women. But reality is, men do like to chase women .

Over the last 2 1/2 years of my singleness I have been dating, I think have shown too much interest too soon in the guys I really liked, and ended up with the short end of the stick. The others I showed least interest in were always willing to be flexible, and I had more control. I realized that I really don’t like dating. I think I might even be a little anger behind some of my most recent experiences. It is hard for me to deal with people (read:men) not being honest and upfront with me. My cousin tells me all the time that men always feel like they have to think for women. So it doesn’t matter if I tell a man that I can take the truth, he is usually not going to be honest with me. He thinks I am like every other woman, and can’t handle the truth.

Just this past week I had a guy, who I’ve been kicking it with for over a year girlfriend call me. This really pissed me off, but I had small warning signs before the destruction. I just didn’t listen. I don’t understand what hell was so hard about saying, “Hey Ms. Dev. I got a girlfriend.” I hate being caught up in drama. What if instead of calling me that girl would have just ran up on me in these streets because she seen me with her lying ass dude. She would have tried to jump on me thinking I knew about her.

Dating is getting way to crazy for me, and I need to listen to my gut instinct more. I’m seriously tired of dealing with foolishness and want something serious. I don't play games and I can't deal with people that do. I have no tolerance for anything else. Now, I will just patiently wait, look inside myself to see why I am attracting damn fools, and definitely not do the things I did in the past.

Until next time on ‘The Journey of Ms. Devereaux.”

13 comments:

shelia said...

Girl, I refuse to deal with foolishness too. Some guys are full of it. It's not that we can't handle the truth...it's because they are liars and don't want to tell the truth.

Shawn Smith said...

Sounds like you need to hit the reset button in your dating as well.

I've gotten to the point that I don't deal in foolishness and that the real people will rise to the top.

Anonymous said...

Honey, just hang in there. Good things come to those who wait. In the meantime, just continue to hit the gym and get buffed up lookin' hot! Guys won't know what hit 'em!

ErynMyisha said...

You know now that I'm thinking about it with your situation, if we allow ourself to be "kicking it" (read: no commitment) with a dude for a year(!!!) then can we really be upset he has a main chick? I, too have been in this exact same predicament for 2 years (sheesh!) and you know who I'm talking about, Ms. Dev. I take the blame for that b/c I allowed myself to stay in that uncommitted situation after my feelings were very committed. People do what you let them do. End of story.

Honey Devereaux said...

@Shelia: I definitely think its that they want to tell the truth.

@Shawn Smith: Yeah I am hitting the reset button.

@EyrnMyisha: I'm not really upset about the having the gf part for the reasons you stated. I am more upset that I got a call with her on the line. She should have never had the ability to contact me. That was foul on his part. There was no reason for that. It is not up to me to explain his actions. That is his duty so she didn't need to contact me. He shouldn't have allowed that to go down.

ErynMyisha said...

Oh yeah he was officially bitch made for making you available to her. I forgot about that ish. But no matter what he says, those actions speaks volumes about where you stand with him, unfortunately.

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. I went through the same thing with it being the other way around. Here I am helping this man get his life together I helped him get a car, go to truck driving school, get a job. After doing all of that for him a get a call from a 18 yrs old who says she is pregnant for him and that they have been dating for almost a year. She got my number out of his phone. I forgot to metion that he lived with my children and me for three years. I have been trying to date but can't seem to find a real truthful man. Like you said they are all about lying thinking you can't handle the truth. I think men should give us the oppurtunity to decide if we want to be involved with a man who has a girlfriend and not put us in the middle of drama. I feel you. Just keep praying and keep God first and your true love will come when you are least expected. That is what I am doing.

Tiffany said...

Girl, I think a lot of what you said is true but Men don't lie because we can't handle the truth but rather they can't handle it. Sometimes men are in such a denial about what they are really doing that they do not feel it necessary to tell everyone involve the entire story. Also, men have that don't ask, don't tell policy which for women it sucks but as a woman you have to ask the questions, you have to trust your gut instinct because it is there for a reason. Always remember to look down inside when things are not right and work on yourself because often times when things are not right it is a red flag that you are on the wrong path. So, take the phone call as a blessing for you to wake up to the truth that he is not right for you. Not all are the same in character. Focus on you and what you want to accomplish and the Lord will work it out.

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES said...

Hmmm, this is an interesting and TRUE concept. And I've learned to show no interest at all... When I have shown no or little interest in a guy, the harder & harder the guy tries to win my love, attention and affection...but in the past when I would show a guy how much I cared for him, or wanted to be with him, it's too much, he's nonchalant, doesn't care, or "wasn't ready"...unfortunately it's a never ending cycle. Hardly balanced...when you find that good balance, between the two, then and only then can you take a second look at the person, and think...maybe they are THE ONE...

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

relationships are for the mature - many men and women are not honest enuff with them selves to be honest with another

RDB

Marrell said...

I think most women can relate to your post, I know I can :) The men that are acting like this aren't going to be upfront because they know that most women are going to say, no thanks to their situation. He will have his cake but won't be able to eat it too, if he tells the truth. The best thing I think any of us can do is to listen to the gut because in hindsight, 9 out of 10 times we always knew something was "off". Good luck in the dating fields.

"We are never deceived. We deceive ourselves."- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Crystal Monae said...

There is a whole lot of truth to what you said about women and our emotions. We do need to keep it turned down until they turn it up.

Eb the Celeb said...

That last paragraph... is exactly where I am right now